This blog post is an extension or holistic illustration of the first article on conflicts and conflict resolution.

Conflict resolution aims to resolve a phenomenon consisting of conflicting views, decisions or needs of individuals or groups. So the question arises in advance, what are conflicts?

A conflict in itself can be described as follows: At a certain point in time two different tendencies, attitudes, concepts and ideas, views, beliefs, interests, goals, values, feelings or simply perception of reality collide. This difference is not accepted by the parties and there is a collision, a dispute.

A conflict arises when:

– two or more parties which are dependent on each other
– incompatible differences (interests, needs, values)
– neither Party can achieve the objectives without the participation or consent of the other Party
– the parties are blocking the realisation of their ambitions

What are the most common causes of conflict:

– Communication error
– unmet needs, expectations,
– functioning in a specific social role
– Need to maintain a positive self-esteem
– Stereotypes & Misunderstandings
– Errors in the perception of people and situations
– Every conflict situation is characterized by the presence of strong, difficult emotions.

Conflicts are social phenomena that have always existed and will continue to exist in every community. When we look at psychological issues, we can also distinguish inner conflicts. Sigmund Freud sees the cause as the eternal clash of levels such as the id, ego and superego. He also claimed that defense mechanisms are necessary for a person to be able to deal with internal conflicts.

Types of conflict:

– Data conflict,
– Conflict of values,
– Relationship conflict
– Conflict of interest,
– structural conflict,
– Intrapsychic (inner) conflict.

According to Glasl there are different stages of hardening of a conflict.

Degrees of conflict hardening:

– WIN-WIN Situation: mutually beneficial
– WIN-LOSE Situation: one side benefits
– LOSE-LOSE Situation: neither side benefits

In detail, these hardening stages look as follows:

– WIN-WIN Situation: mutually beneficial
1. hardening: attempts at cooperation and the formation of incidental tensions: each side of the conflict adopts its own positions, which are clearly formulated, but there is still room for appropriate and constructive discussion
2. Polarisation of positions and style of debate: black-and-white thinking of those involved in the conflict who perceive the opposing party as a competitor
3. Interaction through actions, not words: when speaking no longer helps to convince the other party that one is right, non-verbal signs (e.g. closed doors, no greeting) become increasingly important

– WIN-LOSE Situation: one side benefits
4. Concern for image and coalition: the essence of the conflict recedes into the background, now it is a matter of unjustifiably discrediting the opponent, putting oneself in a better light and rehabilitating oneself in other areas
5. Loss of face (and moral indignation): Publicly attacking the opponent aggressively, “damaging” his reputation
6. The dominance of strategies based on fear: The conflict parties resort to intimidation of the opponent with threats, these threats must be real

– LOSE-LOSE Situation: neither side benefits
7. Systematic, destructive campaigns against the opposition: The other side is not understood as a “person”, hence the implementation of threats that lead to a change in the value of the opponent
8. Attacks against the emotional balance of the enemy: the destruction of the emotional system
9. Total destruction and suicide: the total war from which there is no way out, by destroying the enemy with the most aggressive means

The following solution approaches in the individual phases are possible and recommended:

– Level 1-3: Mediation
– Level 3-5: Processual guidelines
– Level 4-6: sociotherapeutic counselling process
– Level 5-7: Agency
– Level 6-8: Arbitration
– Level 7-9: Forced intervention

Conflicts can also arise between private individuals and companies, for example when a sales contract has been concluded.
Exemplary services that mediate between parties of a sales contract are Paypal & eBay, which have their own contact points to mediate between buyer & seller:

– Paypal: https://www.paypal.com/de/webapps/mpp/resolution-help
– Ebay: https://resolutioncenter.ebay.de/

However, this will not be discussed in the following article.

Typically, the following terms can also be used as a synonym for conflict resolution:
problem solving, compromise solution, solution path, conflict management and similar solution-oriented terms.

In psychology, as in conflict resolution, a prior diagnosis of the current situation is indispensable. The diagnosis can be described as the art of differentiation through indirect cognition. It is the recognition of a state and its developmental tendencies based on the symptoms and based on the knowledge of general rules.

In the first step it is important to describe the situation and the context.

Factors that enable contextual evaluation:

– The issues: Description of the conflict in terms of content
– The conflict parties: who with whom?
– The obiective description: what are the facts
– The development: What is the course of the conflict
– Evaluation: What is the outcome of the conflict

1. Avoidance
You pretend that nothing happened. This attitude says: I don’t care about anything, I just want it to stop! One does not perceive the conflict; one does not agree to the slightest interaction. The result: The needs of both sides are not satisfied, nobody reaches the goals.

2. Concession

The essence of this strategy is passivity, concessions, the desire to accommodate the other side. We give up our needs, we prefer to ease the situation. When it comes to victory, the other side takes everything and we take nothing. For the sake of peace and quiet, to protect the relationship or because the superiority of the law of the other party is recognized, we give up and sacrifice our needs completely.

3. Confrontation/Rivality
You challenge to a duel! Competition, struggle, rivalry. It’s an extreme strategy where you do everything at the expense of the other side.

4. Compromise
You give in a little. You fulfill some of your own goals, so that some of the goals can be fulfilled by the other party. It seems great, but at the same time there is the possibility of dissatisfaction and although there are no losers, the victories are only worth half.

5. Cooperation
Both sides are looking for common solutions that will enable each of them to achieve their goals and meet their needs. There are no losers. Cooperation usually pays off for everyone, but it is difficult, requires time, goodwill and conscious effort.

In a situation of conflicting needs, where each party is striving for something different, we are confronted with one of the following strategies, as described above: “win-lose”, “lose-lose” and “win-win”.

Thomas Gordon, author of numerous books on education, distinguishes the following types of attitudes of parents in conflict situations.

It is important to note that the following systems and procedures are absolutely applicable to conflict situations outside families:

– The winners: Believe in the power of commands & rewards. Orders effect obedience without getting involved in discussions. Conflicts always end with a victory over the child. Such parents “always know better” and act “for the good of the child”.

– The defeated: Give in to the child in a conflict situation. Avoid prohibitions and fulfill every wish.

– The nodding candidates: Those who don’t consistently take any of the positions are winners one time, they give in to the kid another time. Sometimes they are extremely strict, sometimes irresponsibly indulgent. This attitude leads to confusion for children and frustration for adults.

The latter two attitudes are based on a win-lose strategy, because parents do not know how to resolve conflicts without pointing out who is the best.

The win-win method or the method without losers: As a result of resolving the conflict with this method, neither party is a winner or a loser. The solution is satisfactory for all. The parent asks the child to work with the child to find a mutually acceptable solution to the conflict. Both can suggest possible solutions, which are then critically evaluated by them. Both parties ultimately decide which solution is best for the child.

There are six steps of the so-called “no fail” method:

1. identify and name the conflict
2. show the child that you understand feelings and needs:
3. develop solutions together.
4. criticise proposed solutions.
5. decide on the best solutions.
6. execute the decision you have made.

Sometimes conflicts are inevitable. In a team of employees, when contacting the customer or in stormy discussions with colleagues and superiors. The important question is with which approach you start the conversation and how you lead the discussion. Can you communicate with wisdom, wisdom and the ability to find a compromise?

In his book “How to Make Friends and unfluence people”, Dale Carnegie presented key elements that can be useful in a conversation in which there are differences of opinion:

– Reflection: First think about why you have a disagreement and do not approach it with a negative attitude.
– Do not jump to conclusions: – in a discussion, defending one’s own opinion is a reflex, which may not always be right.
– Solution orientation: look for solutions to the situation.
– Stay relaxed: Try to control your temper
– Listen carefully: give your interviewer a chance to speak
– Finding common ground: Try to find common interests, positive aspects of the person you’re talking to.
– Honesty and clarity: Be honest with yourself and think about whether your statement could be ambiguous
– Openness to your own mistakes: Do not be afraid to admit that you have made a mistake and agree with your interlocutor on certain questions
– Openness: If the subject is difficult, promise to think about it, analyse it and refer to it
– Gratitude: Thank you sincerely for the conversation, whether you reach an agreement or not.

The school situation is very complex. Conflicts can arise between different participants, e.g. between teachers and teachers, teachers and pupils, teachers and parents, parents and parents, etc.

Becker describes a process model for solution finding:

1. definition and description of the conflict
2. emotional influence of the conflict on conflict parties
3. raising the fact that a conflict exists
4. select conflict resolution mechanism
5. questioning the parties to the conflict in order to gather information
6-7 Causal research via various sources
8. change of perspective to build up empathy & understanding
9. common objective of conflict resolution
10. joint definition of possible courses of action
11. joint examination of possible courses of action
12. develop and implement an action plan
13. evaluation of success

There are different methods that can be used, depending on the phase you are in. Already discussed in the previous chapters are methods of the Thomas Kilman model, ideas according to Dale Carnegie and the Gordon model.

However, conflicts can also be dealt with from a different position, namely before conflicts even occur.

Some measures, which may be of a preventive nature, are:

– Define transparent framework conditions
– Communicate a transparent framework and debate openly
– Define principles of open debate & feedback culture
– Implementation of an open debate & feedback culture
– Describing, reflecting & optimizing own & common conditions together
– Creation of possibilities for secret feedback

The best known traditional conflict resolution techniques are

– avoidance (retreat, escape);
– postponement of conflicts;
– mitigation (adaptation, peaceful coexistence);
– extortion (rivalry, dominance);
– majority rule;
– interference of third parties

The best known new conflict resolution techniques are:

– Compromise;
– reconciliation;
– confrontation meeting;
– definition of overarching objectives;
– disclosure of common interest;
– call for tender;
– negotiations;
– mediation;
– arbitration;
– hierarchical decisions;
– appeal strategy;
– strategy for rebuilding the system;
– Image exchange meeting

The essence of mediation is to resolve a dispute through a mediator or a third party moderating a discussion.
However, the role in conflict resolution is not to impose ready-made solutions on the parties, but to create favourable conditions for discussion, to get to know the motives and arguments of the other party, to calmly consider the contentious issues and to reach a consensus.

Here are some principles that increase the effectiveness of the mediation approach:

– Voluntariness – the participants in the conflict must express their willingness to reach a mutually agreed solution to the conflict.
– Confidentiality – the mediator and the parties to the conflict should not disclose information obtained during the mediation to third parties
– Impartiality – each party is treated equally by the mediator.
– Neutrality – the mediator maintains the balance with regard to the cause of the conflict.
– Decision neutrality – the mediator cannot decide on the outcome of the dispute. The parties to the conflict decide on the position of the mediator in the mediation process

Principles of active speaking and active listening, as basic principles in coaching as well as in psychology, I have already described in my blog post on communication.
Communication is the process of verbal or nonverbal exchange of information between two individuals. It shapes the relationships between people. Communication is always two-way, i.e. the person who sends information to the other person, i.e. the sender, becomes the recipient of the feedback.

A similar situation applies to the person who sends a reply. Information or messages can be communicated in different ways. We communicate with words – this is verbal communication, while we communicate with signals, then it is non-verbal communication.

Here are some principles of good – active listening:

– Without words, show that you are listening and trying to understand the person you are talking to. Without words means, e.g. turn to your conversation partner, look for eye contact from time to time
– Try to identify the intentions and feelings of your interlocutor by paying attention to the verbal and non-verbal signals.
– Put yourself in the situation of your conversation partner, put yourself in his or her position.
– Make sure that you understand the content and the intention of your interlocutor. Repeat the most important thoughts in your own words.
– Interrupt only if necessary, do not rush your partner, give advice only if absolutely necessary, do not ignore your partner.
– Be transparent when it comes to your own opinions and feelings
– To communicate effectively, ask questions. Apply the journalistic rule of the seven questions (who, what, where, when, how, why, from where).
– Use different types of questions

The basic element of education and upbringing of children is learning how to deal with problems and conflicts. For this to happen, children should express their feelings, develop communication skills and tolerance. They should get used to teamwork, sometimes thinking of themselves, sometimes thinking of the common good. Children should learn to behave in a way that makes future & repeated playing with other children more likely.

The Alpha model is a rough model to describe the phases for the processing and transparent representation of a conflict
https://www.ifb.de/kommunikation/wissen-infos/konfliktmanagement/konfliktloesungsmodelle/konfliktloesungsmodell-alpha

The feedback model is a model that describes how to communicate the specific states of a conflict without provoking further escalation.
https://www.ifb.de/kommunikation/wissen-infos/konfliktmanagement/konfliktloesungsmodelle/konfliktloesungsmodell-gespraechsfuehrung

The Harvard model is a model that focuses on obiective facts and the respective subjective interests of the conflict parties involved, as well as the elaboration of joint proposals for solutions.
https://www.advocard.de/streitlotse/arbeit-und-karriere/konflikte-loesen-mit-dem-harvard-konzept-in-4-schritten/

Regardless of whether the child is calm, nice and quiet, or on the contrary, malicious, easily irritated and passionately argues (about everything, with everyone), it is impossible to eliminate from one’s life situations in which the child is confronted with different positions.
That is why it is worth investing – to ensure that the child is able to act in conflict situations, that it does not feel like a defenceless victim, but also that it does not draw strength from the fact that it is an aggressor.

Typical conflict situation in a family context in which children are involved:

– The child has bad grades.
– The child does not want to talk to his parents.
– The child runs away from school.
– The child has friends that his parents do not tolerate.
– The child does not want to help at home.
– The child lies, steals, etc.
– The parents have no work.
– The parents divorce.
– There is no one to take care of the child because parents work late, for example.
– The parents have no time for the child.
– There is a serious illness in the family.
– Alcoholism etc.

Furthermore: In school, we often use the so-called criminal justice system to resolve conflicts between pupils, i.e. we focus on punishing the offender and not on resolving the conflict or making good the damage or loss caused.

Here are some basic approaches for parents:

– Having rules, respecting values and respecting boundaries – showing which behaviour is acceptable and which is unacceptable Not being tolerant and not reacting to behaviour that is unacceptable. Simultaneously supporting and affirming the child.
– Lead the child in a spirit of respect: Otherness and differences are okay. Also accept the child, give him a chance for self-development, express his individuality, do not restrict him too much, let him make decisions and learn to take decisions and responsibility.
– Talk – about different situations from everyday life, but also about those that happened to others – to the children. Also discuss characters from fairy tales or series.
– Let the child feel the negative emotions. It is not that anger, resentment or jealousy are bad. Emotions are just there, they usually have a certain reason and we have to accept or even use them. We cannot influence their appearance. But it is important – and it is up to us,  what we do with them.
– Never force an apology, especially if the conflict continues. It does not end the conflict by any means, but it causes frustration and does not ease the tension.
– Teach your child to express himself. Let him talk: about his emotions, his right, his position. Open, honest but also calm conversations, discussions, negotiations promote assertiveness, empathy and respect for others, which are the key to solving disputes.
– letting the child deal with the misunderstanding itself – resolving conflicts, looking for solutions, trying to get along on his own – brings the child the most. Even if a parent can do something for their child very quickly, this approach will not teach them anything. If your child has made several attempts to resolve difficulties with siblings or colleagues and still cannot communicate, encourage your child to follow your advice.
– Reduce your emotions – try to reduce your emotions in an acute conflict situation
– Help the child to understand the behaviour of others – show the perspective of another person, try to understand their motives and needs, can help the child to deal with conflict

Conflicts between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law are legendary. Sometimes it happens that disputes develop into protracted conflicts. How do you get out of an unpleasant situation?
Parents, mothers and fathers, love their children endlessly, so they make every effort to make their children happy. Mothers are to be emphasized here once again because of the special relationship.

When a daughter-in-law criticizes her husband, her mother-in-law often feels insulted. After all, a man’s attitude depends largely on what he has brought with him from his parental home. By pointing out the partner’s mistakes, we accuse the mother-in-law of making mistakes. Conversely, life partners resemble each other. If you criticize your partner, you accuse your daughter-in-law of making mistakes. Two things are important. Understanding for the other side as well as the good words of the partner involved, who is standing between the chairs.

A conflict in a relationship can arise for a variety of reasons, e.g. misunderstandings, disregard for the needs of the other, poor communication or lack of clarity about the respective roles. All types of conflict can be reduced to a common denominator, namely a conflict of interest.

The conflict can be divided into the following phases:

1. a premonition of a dispute: a gradual escalation of tensions leading to the conclusion that “something is wrong
2. mutual animosity: a feeling of misunderstanding, frustration, blame, recrimination
3. conflict: the culmination of the conflict in the form of a stormy exchange of opinions, in which negative emotions The parties to the conflict do not listen to their arguments and tend to blame and shout at each other;
4. silence: enables constructive communication in which emotions can be separated from rational arguments for the respective position. Silence is the first step towards agreement;
5. agreement: Confrontation of positions and working out a common solution to a dispute.

The “I” message as a method for conflict resolution:

Constructive communication is essential for working out an agreement. The “I” message is a form of expressing one’s own feelings, wishes and convictions that does not provoke the other party and does not make them responsible for what we feel and think. For example, instead of “You are annoying me” – “I am nervous” – the “I” message can be constructed in the following way.

The following form is often also used as a method of formulating feedback:

1. I feel – a statement of feelings or beliefs. Describe your feelings, e.g. anger, sadness, disappointment, regret etc.
2. if you – state a certain behaviour Describe neutrally the behaviour of your partner that causes the problem.
3. because – state consequences/values. Describe the consequences you have for your partner’s behaviour. Stay with the ego perspective
4. I would like – to formulate a goal. Say what you want. For example..: I want to feel valued. If you let me finish, I will have the opportunity to feel appreciated

Typical conflict situations in companies or in the world of work are encouraged by certain factors. These include::

– Interdependence in the achievement of objectives: the greater this interdependence, the greater the necessary coordination effort and the greater the potential for conflict. One solution is to highlight the common goal
– Different goals: Especially if you pursue different personal or business goals, it is quite possible that you may collide with each other
– Competition for limited resources: Especially in the case of limited resources and different goals or competing goals, conflicts can arise
– Interpersonal & emotional conflicts: Sometimes people with certain personalities simply cannot work with people of other personality types, have no trust in each other.
– Non-transparent favouritism: certain employees by managers
– Confrontation: failure to comply with certain unwritten group laws

In developmental psychology a crisis is viewed as a moment in time, during which future states and behaviors will be prepared, developed and at some point determined.

A crisis as a challenge

You can either solve or not solve a crisis.
The challenge to solve a developmental crisis comes with potential future benefits, not solving a crisis comes with potential risks.

Example of a crisis in developmental psychology

Children in early childhood do go through a crisis, where reaching autonomy is the goal. If the challenge is failed, future grown ups are at risk of feeling self embaressement and self doubt.

Well, Corona is not exactly a mandatory crisis for human development. It is a kind of challenge for the grown up world, though. Failing it comes with risks, solving it comes with benefits.

Challenges as a short and long term strategy

Being faced with a challenge, you will need focus on solving it. Solving it means building necessary ressources. Building such ressources in times of crisis will benefit yourself in shortterm during crisis as well as in longterm post crisis.

I want to show you, how i am approaching corona as a challenge and how this approach maintains my positive attitude.

I know, that context matters. I know the predispositions matter. I know, that not everybody will have the capabilities to approach corona as a challenge, currently.

1. It might be easier for me to deal with such a situations because:

_{*I am the “challenge accepted” guy. I like being in situations of win-lose character.
*I do not have an issue with losing. It is motivating for me, to become better.
*I am 36 years old and childless, this is why i have not faced some of major life challenges so far}

2. On the other hand, I do have a specific fear, which in is not beneficial in a time like corona it was triggered very strongly

_{*I am a person with high fear of loss, when it comes to family, partner and close friends.
*My granny is 91 yo, my mother is 55 yo & has prexisting conditions}

3. Availability heuristics

_{*”Corona live tickers” and “corona data streams” made me assume, that corona is coming and is already a thread to my family
*Having fear-like emotions can sharpen your focus on what is going on all around you and such a sharpened focus can create the illusion, that corona is the worst thing to ever happen to hummanity.}

So i had the possibility to maintain in such a situation of growing fear or somehow solve it. As an answer, I naturally developed a cognitive solution. It means, that i tried to rephrase the situation i am in. From being threatened to being challenged.

This is the crisis – or better said – the challenge i am in, right now.

i have prepared an infographic for you to illustrate the challenges i have formulated for myself

3.1.1. Stabilise your team in times of crisis and use the crisis to develop for future tasks

How to approach the challenge in 3 steps

1) Listen & react: Provide proactive & constructive feedback to coworkers for all incoming requests

**Short term benefit: You’ll be a fall back option for your coworkers. People tend to work better, when feeling secure.

**Long term benefit:  You will develop a standing as the go-to-contact for your colleagues.

2) Focus on contact: Not being physically around people, requires to develop a habit of staying proactively and transparently in contact in order to assist them (e.g. your clients)

**Short term benefit: Your colleagues and clients will feel to be in good hands, even within a crisis.

**Long term benefit:  You and your colleagues will use the crisis to develop a service oriented mind set, even without being physically around your colleagues and clients.

3) Promote creativity and problem solving: New digital working environment should not be structured top-down. Allow your team to develop responsibility & their own effective habits and share them among each other.

**Short term benefit: Your team will find an environment, which fits them best to work effectively through the crisis

**Long term benefit:  Your team will develop a feeling of responsibility and engagement, both linked positively to performance. You will develop necessary leadership strenghts.

3.2.1. Use digital environment to increase life quality of your social circle

How to approach the challenge in 3 steps

1) Digital services: Introduce digital services, especially to the elderly (eg. AMZ Alexa an easy way for oldest) <zdjecie Babcia Alexa>

**Short term benefit: Your family & friends will not be in risk of social isolation, especially those who are already at risk due to corona

**Long term benefit:  Your family & friends will learn and get used to digital services without being really externally forced to it. They will do it out of intrinsic motivation.

2) Contact without purpose of contact: Use playful ways to stay in contact & create common virtual experiences (eg. play UNO online or take part in social media challenges)

**Short term benefit: Cognitive focus will be driven away from corona topics

**Long term benefit:  Even in times of crisis you will go through common experiences and drive social bonding, which will then benefit in the future

3) Corona – connecting people: Connect different people virtually via telcos, who normally would never meet caused by distances

**Short term benefit: Learning to know new people, getting into new conversations creates cognitive challenges and drives creativity

**Long term benefit:  Being the socializer, will create new opportunities in future settings. Being socialized, will create new opportunities in future settings

3.2.2. Stabilise your family

How to approach the challenge in 3 steps

1) Inform in a balanced way: Provide necessary hope as well as conduct proper expectations management, so that people can prepare themselves for staying strong through crisis

**Short term benefit: Decreased probability of extreme views and therefore risky behavior during crisis

**Long term benefit: Family will learn to gather information in a more balanced way, diversifying sources

*Training online: Provide mental and physical training digitally (eg. round table discussions, meditition training, physical training)

**Short term benefit: Increased psychological and physical wealth

**Long term benefit: Family will learn new and more healthy ways of spending free time

*Prefilter information: Prefilter information for family and friends, who are cognitively not capable to process it (eg. Filter out suspicious theories or describe difficult statistics easily)

**Short term benefit: More realistic processing of current developments in crisis and better adaptation to externalities

**Long term benefit: Your family will be building future capabilities to evaluate crisis developments properly. You will become better in descibing complex things easily.

3.2.3. Be more cooperative

How to approach the challenge in 2 steps

1) Be a helping hand: Help your elderly neighbours or family & go grocery shopping. A simple note at the door is enough to get in contact

**Short term benefit: People at risk will not risk their health by going out. It will make you feel better by helping others.

**Long term benefit: One hand washes the other, and together they wash the face. First: people reciprocate, what you have done for them. Second: cooperation can lead to better outcomes.

2) Engage family in simple tasks: Create a setting of shared ressources and common goal. Give tasks people. An example might be to find out how to increase health and how to develop a common family strategy to face corona.

*Short term benefit: Turn the focus away from the terrbile attributes of the crisis, towards a more solution based approach. which decrease fear by information gathering.

**Long term benefit: Be the source of reputable and legitmate information and decrease risk of mental health issues.

3.3.1. Increase your rate of savings (to a lifetime high)

How to approach the challenge in 3 steps

1) Save the eating money: Normally you would spent money eating in bars and restaurants. Put that money in a money box.

**Short term benefit: Not spending money on other unnecessary goods and having money in place in case crisis gets worse.

**Long term benefit: Saving money for future plans.

2) Save the travelling money: Probably you don’t have to go to work. Try to save the money you would spent on public transportation or fuel.

**Short term benefit: Not spending money on other unnecessary goods and having money in place in case crisis gets worse.

**Long term benefit: Saving money for future plans.

3) Save the consumption money: Normally you would need to buy stuff, you don’t really need, like a new shirt, new shoes or a new tech gadget.

**Short term benefit: Not spending money on other unnecessary goods and having money in place in case crisis gets worse.

**Long term benefit: Saving money for future plans.

3.4.1. Get your immune system in better shape by developing more healthy habits

How to approach the challenge in 3 steps

1) Eat at home (no brainer): Try to plan and organise cooking at home as a game and learn new recipes. Gamify your cooking experience with your partner. Collect virtual points. Spent points on who is cooking next time.

**Short term benefit: Fun.

**Long term benefit: Developing a healthy ground for future plans.

2) Develop new eating habits: Develop new habits in eating, eg. have 3 meals a day.

**Short term benefit: Getting you body not to feel overwhelmed by either to little or to much to process

**Long term benefit: Developing healthy ground for future plans. Developing habits for a structured daily routine.

3) Track your eating habits: Track your meals by using respective applications (as you stay at home, it should not be as difficult)

**Short term benefit: Effort by writing everything down. But: Being in control of what happens with you body and therefore increase feeling of security

**Long term benefit: Learning about healthy habits from your bodies history and increasing well-being

3.4.2. Develop more sustainable sport habits

How to approach the challenge in 3 steps

1) Sports online: Use and learn from free online sport services (eg. livestreams), which are being created right now

**Short term benefit: Diversify your training plan or start with first small steps, as you don’t even need to leave your house

**Long term benefit: Learning new exercises will help to develop other physical areas of your body

2) New forms of sport: Try out new forms of sport and complete your comprehensive approach to your body

**Short term benefit: Diversify your training plan or start with first small steps, as you don’t even need to leave your house

**Long term benefit: Learning new exercises will help to develop other physical areas of your body and achieving a more balanced level

3) Get social in sports: Ask you family and friends for facetime sports

**Short term benefit: Help you family to strenghen their physical health

**Long term benefit: Introduce the elderly to home exercise and decrease entry barriers (eg. age)

3.4.3. Develop healthier mental life

How to approach the challenge in 3 steps

1) Mental training: Use spare time (as you are not travelling) for mental training, eg. to learn meditation, to read books, become better at favorite games etc.

**Short term benefit: Use your free time for something productive

**Long term benefit: Increase the probability of feeling satisfied and engaged with your own life after the crisis

2) Quality time: Use spare time for more quality time with family and friends, as described above: Play games online, discuss life stories with the older family members

**Short term benefit: One of life’s challenges at some age is to pass over experiences and insights from experiences to younger generations. It helps the older family members to fulfil their need for generativity.

**Long term benefit: More fulfilled perception of own life story by family members

3) Get environment in shape: Finish things at home, which brings direct return on well-being (eg. flowers on your balcony or a dedicated “work corner” for homeoffice times)

**Short term benefit: Get engaged in beautifying your house

**Long term benefit: Do feel more comfortable when staying at home

3.4.4. Develop a higher hygiene level by gamifying the behaviors

How to approach the challenge in 3 steps

1) Playful outside time: As soon as you step outside your house, dont touch you face. You can turn it into games with kids very easily.

**Short term benefit: The most important behavior in countering corona virus.

**Long term benefit: Well, it should help you in the future to not get infected with other similar ilnesses

2) Social norms: Start using your elbow to cover when sneezing and coughing. You might turn it into dance moves.

**Short term benefit: Stop spreading viruses around and risking health of others

**Long term benefit: Well, it should help in not getting such ilnesses getting spread all around

3) Washing habits: Start washing your hands more intensly. Expand it to other areas of your body.

**Short term benefit: The most important behavior in countering corona virus.

**Long term benefit: Well, it should help you in the future to not get infected with other similar ilnesses

A simple way to trick your mind into getting started:

Think of areas of your life, which are important to you: Family? Friends? Social Life? Partying? Work? Development? Your dog? Your cat? Your children? Your hobbies?

Write things down. At least mentally. Formulate them as challenges for yourself.

In best case formulate them in a very specific way:

“I want to learn 20 new recepies until quarantine is over”

“i want to help my grandmother to survive the quarantine without leaving the house

In best case, try to involve new people, either known or unknown and distribute tasks. Solve them together. Try to gamify things. Try to digitalize the many possible behaviors, which are important to you (eg. playing, training, meditating, reading, speaking to family and friends, spending big family rounds etc)

In best case, try to put emphasis on being thankful for what is still available.

In best case at some point in the future, you will look at the corona crisis and recognize a time which increased well-being for you and people around you.

I have begun being interested in the coaching profession about 6 years ago. Now, 6 years later, coaching is thriving and is criticized from various perspectives:

By clients, because the expected outcomes are not met, or maybe the expectations are not properly set?

By competitors, because standards are not met or maybe standards are unknown?

By scientists, because there is no adequate theoretical and empirical underlying or maybe the coaching educational process does not meet highest standards?

By opponents, because coaching appears to be some dark magic or maybe it is unclear how pure coaching conduct really should look like?

There may be many reasons to confront the coaching market critically from various perspectives. When i started my journey six years ago the market was growing, but not as out of control as today.

In 2016 the Internation Coaching Federation (ICF) noted 53.300 coaches, being the result of o 12% growth over a 4 year period. The market value back in 2016 was estimated globally to be 2,4, billion. This value was evaluated worldwide. A follow-up study is supposed to be conducted in 2019 and published by 2020.

In 2019 the coaching branch was estimated to have a value of 15billion within the US solely.

Supply is inreasing at a very high pace. This is not only due to the fact, that Coaching is “hip”. It is als becoming more popular on demand-site, too.

Demand is increasing in a very natural way. As the US declaration of independence calls it, most of our time, people in developed countries are able to focus on “pursuit of happiness”, instead of working on satisfying basic physical needs.

This means, that we as people have more time to think about our goals as well as our problems. If we have the time to think about them, out of definition, we will find more goals to pursue as well as issues to fix. The demand for assistance will increase, per definition. Coaching in such a framework is therefore one way of assistance.

If demand is increasing, supply has to cope with such a development. In order to have the market cope with such a development, people will enter the market, who might or might not meet the requirements from a qualification perspective.

Assuming, that people will enter the market, who are not meeting requirements, expected outcomes might not be met, too.

1. Open questions from diverse directions concerning the coaching practice
2. Supply in coaching market is increasing
3. Demand for assistance in facing major life questions is increasing, especially in developed countries

Don’t get me wrong: i don’t judge whether it is good, that the coaching market is increasing, nor do i judge any people entering the coaching market. I don’t judge people criticizing the coaching market as a whole, neither. Furthermore i do understand critique caused by negative experiences, unclear upfront expectations, uncertainties concerning the meaning of coaching or the methods in use.

As i have faced such critiques during the last 6 years, i wanted to take a closer look at what is actually criticized in detail.

First, because i want to help people to understand coaching in itself and become more open to it.

Second, it will help me to adjust to issues of my future clients. It will help me to develop strenghts in areas necessary to present a proper coaching conduct.

How did i approach the topic?

I have searched for the phrase “Coaching critique”, “Krytyka Coachingu” and “Coaching Kritik” in three languages in google and checked Top20 pages qualitatively. Qualitatively means, that i have red all pages and written down main questions, issues and areas of critique from each page.

So let’s take a look at what the questions and issues with coaching actuallyare?

In order to have all the questions and critical suggestions categorized i tried to formulate parent categories. All questions were then assigned the parent categories.

Some examples:

The critique, that Motivation and Happiness can’t be programmed was categorized into “Why should i get a coach?”.

The critique, that there are many people, who call themselves a coach and claim to practice coaching, was appointed to “The coaching market”.

All categories were then assigned to meta categories within two streams.

One stream being “From a client perspective”, with meta categories such as “Coaching market” or “How do i get a Coach”.

The other stream is “From a coach perspective”, with meta categories such as “How to become a coach” or “How to make a living”.

Please find below a visualization with an overview of all the relevant categorization.

3.1.1. Unclear, what a coach is?

What the critique is exactly:

“The problem is that the label is not protected” (Link)

“There is a large degree of diversity within people, who claim to practise coaching as well as in the fields in which coaching interventions are delivered” (Link)

“[…] the term ‘coach’ means nothing at all. It is only a borrowed word that was supposed to soften the sound and connotations of the words ‘therapist’ or ‘psychologist’, that are negatively perceived” (Link)

How it really is [TRUE]:

a) This is absolutely true. The market is developing and has not reached its maturity, yet. This leads to the market being not homogeneous not only in its definition, but in its methods and outcomes, too.

b) Coaching in many cases is used as a byword, eg. “Marketing Coach”, “Speaking Coach”, “Sports Coach” or “Motivational Coach”. Such bywords suggest, that the specific coach is able to increase specific outcomes in specific fields. The emphasis here is not on the coaching approach as a whole, but on the specific content of desired improvement.

c) In long term the coaching approach should be protected or centrally defined, compared to psychotherapist, psychologist or similar approaches. There is a precise definition of the coaching approach either on my own website or on the website of the international coaching federation.

Some quotes to underline the essence of coaching:

“The coach does not advise, he does not mediate and he does not teach anything. The coach does not replace a medical diagnosis and only works with healthy clients. Ideas from esotericism or Scientology are expressly not part of coaching.” (Link)

“Frequently popular motivational speakers refer to this term. […] do not mention motivational speakers, because this is not a form of help” (Link)

“It is calm reflection, stopping, thinking about what I can and what is beyond my capabilities […] Coaching is a great tool for self-development; it does not educate, but helps to realize its potential and challenges. Coaching does not bring any new knowledge, it only stimulates and supports development processes” (Link)

My way:

Though i have not undergone the oficial certification of the ICF yet, my conduct is based on the oficial definition of the ICF. For this i have undergone a one year postgraduate program in coaching.

3.1.2. Coaches should be mature personalities

What the critique is exactly:

“Many coaches are immature. You are insecure and still in the midst of your own personal development.”

How it really is [FALSE]:

a) Coaching in itself puts emphasis on the framework or/and the process. The process and the framework are supposed to be very pure. Pure in this case means, that the process is not biased by any external influences, but only by the requirements of the coachee. External influences can be a coaches preexisting knowledge or belief systems, emotional states, cognitive and behavioral processes. In regard of the pure coaching process, one can call such influences limitations.

b) There are two ways to gain such a transparency on own “limitations”:

The one way is to gain the necessary experience. The other is to educate oneself.

In best case a coach has both on a high level, as he or she will then know, how to exclude own beliefs from the coaching process. Does this mean, that experience and maturity should always be on a high level?

No (!), of course not. A coach can work on a high level, without having the proper maturity level. This is possible, as coaching in its purest form consists of a process and a framework, which should ensure neutrality and lack of external influences. On the other hand, mentors rely on their experience and maturity level, as their service is based in their past experiences.

3.1.3. Coaches should not work within (dangerous) predefined belief-systems

What the critique is exactly:

“Many coachings are based on value systems that contain esoteric, anti-democratic, social Darwinist, non-violent or historical revision elements.” (Link)

“In Coaching and NLP […] the personality of a person is shaped by arbitrarily changeable thinking patterns.” (Link)

“Its basis is the supposed programmability of optimism and the feasibility of happiness. So it cannot be overlooked that PP originated in a calvinist and capitalist society.” (Link)

“It is claimed, for a reason unknown to us, that the current state of the client is not so important.[…] In systemic coaching, the client’s goals are in focus at the beginning of the collaboration, without knowing exactly what the client’s disorder actually consists of” (Link)

How it really is [TRUE]:

a) If coaching was as described above, it should be rejected as a psychological form of assistance within the developmental process. Therefore one criteria for choosing proper coaches is the non-existence of predefined belief systems.

b) Coaching in itself, as described, similar to psychology or science itself should be fundamentally neutral. Coaching should always aim at exluding external influences, especially influences, which concentrate on certain belief systems.

My way:

My ideal coaching conduct means, that there is not “the one way to go” with a client. What i deliver is a procesual framework, which is adapting to requirements of the coachee. In my practice, i don’t try to shape any belief systems. I don’t have a particular goal, when working with clients. The only goal is to enable the clients to pursue his or her goal, if there is one.

3.2.1. There is a high number of coaches available

What the critique is exactly:

“Many coaches, but scientifically unfounded education” (Link)

How it really is [TRUE]

The assumption here is true in general, with the following limitations:

a) As long as coaching in itself is unregulated, there will be people calling themselves coaches, who enter the market trying to get a bite of the cake.

b) As described above coaching is frequently used as a byword. Furthermore there is a distinction to consultants, mentors, trainers and similar service providers (as defined on my website already).

My way:

When i have started my journey with coaching, i have already been working 5 years in consulting. Today 6 years later, i have the experience of 11 year in consulting within data driven business projects. Within these last 6 years, i have conducted a one year postgradual coaching program (the program was not accredited by the ICF, though) as well as studied psychology as a 5 year master’s program, in order to build the necessary foundation for assisting human beings in their developmental progress.

3.2.2. There are no or too many professional associations

What the critique is exactly:

“There is not a professional association, but 20” (Link)

How it really is [UNCLEAR]

In general it is unclear or not properly communicated due to a market not being fully mature, yet. The following limitations apply:

a) Internationally and in english speaking countries there is the internation coaching federation (ICF).

In Germany there is additionally the Deutsche Gesellschaft für Coaching (DGFC) or the Deutsche Coaching Gesellschaft (DCG).

In Poland there is the Polskie Stowarzyszenie Coachingu i Rozwoju (PSCIR).

Furthermore some independet or dependent societies have tried to provide an overview for internationally valid know how – a catalogue with criteria was created by the german association Stiftung Warentest.

b) There are accepted associations, which work with clearly defined rules and definitions. The ICF should be pointed out as the gold standard. It does not mean, that there aren’t many many more associations, which claim to be the gold standard.

My way:

This is similar to the standards and the development in sports. New sports are created or evolve from older ones. Such sports are then accepted and are sometimes becoming popular. Then first associations arise. The highest honors is to become an olympic sport, though. To become an olympic sport, the market for this specific sport has to gain maturity over time, define generally accepted rules and have an association regulate it.

Compared to it, the highest honor in human developmental services would be university programs or at least to have accredited subjects on universities.

I have undergone a coaching postgraduate program as well as a 5 year masters degree in psychology additionaly to a 5 year business administration masters degree. Furthermore i have 11 years in experience in consulting business clients in the field of data driven business. In the near future, I will complete an ICF certified program, too.

3.3.1. The selection process: Unclear how to decide on a proper coach?

What the critique is exactly:

“Today, anyone can be a coach, all you have to do is: You have to order a sign with the word “Coach” and you can accept customers. Preliminary research conducted […] shows, that individual clients do not ask coaches for qualifications, completed courses or completed post-graduate studies.” (Link)

How it really is [FALSE]:

a) Many HR managers now have a good overview of the coaching market and mostly work with a fixed pool of trainers. On the other hand there is a big pool of choices being made based on recommendation. This would be one source of truth. Ask either your own experience, experienced individuals or coaches, who are already active and whom you trust.

b) The qualification is one great indicator. Always a plus is some kind of psychological education in addition to the specific, in best case certified, coaching eduation.

c) Take a look at the experience of the coach. In best case there is somewhere the information about the hours worked with clients. In many psychological occupations, such as coaching defined by the ICF or psychotherapy a mandatory requirement is the amount of hours worked with clients under specific conditions.

d) Take a deeper look at the conduct of a coach. This is possible via a first, in general free get-to-know session. A good coach knows how to use different conversation techniques to suit the situation. Sentences like “If you want to make a career, you have to …” are inappropriate in pure coaching practice.

My way:

As i have defined the rules above, i am aiming at fullfilling all rules to my highest possible degree.

3.3.2. Unclear how to evaluate a coach?

What the critique is exactly:

“Equally important, companies should hire independent mental health professionals to review coaching outcomes.” (Link)

“Failure To Consistently And Comprehensively Calculate Coaching Value (Adequate measures of coaching value are needed and can be borrowed from Kirkpatrick’s seminal training evaluation model” (Link)

How it really is [TRUE]:

As mentioned above, Kirckpatrick has developed a training evaluation model which might be applied to rate coaching conduct:

* Level 1 – Reaction: The degree to which clients are satisfied with coaching engagements

* Level 2 – Learning: The degree to which clients indirectly acquire the intended knowledge, skills and attributes through coaching engagements

* Level 3 – Behavior: The degree to which clients develop their behavior(s) as a result of coaching engagements

* Level 4 – Results: The degree to which client organizations benefit from coaching engagements

My way:

A coach should always be aware of his or her limitations. Coaches should therefore be under supervision:

* by themselves: When developing their coaching business, self consciousness and reflection should be part of general conduct

* by professional supervisors: which is especially recommended in “people’s business”

* by corporate actors: when developing corporate systems.

3.4.1. Life consulting is unnecessary

What the critique is exactly:

“Experience and education are sufficient to set stimuli and replace goals” (Link)

“We are hungry for success. Society is impoverished not only financially but also culturally and intellectually. We want to break out, and coache are simply extremely talented salespeople and speakers who can convince people that they are able to change their lives.” (Link)

“False belief: You can do anything, just want” (Link)

How it really is [FALSE]:

a) Often we lose ourselves in daily life and forget to act in a long-term and targeted manner. This happens, despite the fact that we (un)consciously already know how to act. Sometimes coaches are just there to assist in increasing awareness.

At the end, it is on the individual to decide, whether he or she does feel the necessity to interact with a coach. A well known reason is the discrepancy between the idealistic me and the actual me, which leads to a breakdown of the currently established belief system.

b) School systems teach knowledge, but not necessarily the correct handling of influencing factors in our life (such as understanding and interpretation of emotion, behavior, social behavior, cognitive interpretation etc.)

c) Often experience, similar to knowledge, is not enough, until it is brought to life. This means, that sometimes we need to enact knowledge or experience to create worth out of it. Sometimes a coach might be the one to assist in triggering the process from cognitive acknowledgment to behavioral acting.

d) There are many studies, which show that goal orientation assisted by a coach help in more effective goal achievement in long-run.

My way:

a) From my perspective knowing something is not enough, if one is not able to enact it properly

b) I have observed and experienced exactly such scenarios, as i often hear such phrases as “i already know that” or “i have tried everything imaginable” or “this is impossible in my situation right now”, followed immediatly by signs of dissatisfaction over the situation. These are common defense mechanisms, when confronting ourselves with something, we don’t want to accept, that we are often not living up to our potential.

3.4.2. Is ongoing optimization really necessary?

What the critique is exactly:

“But something is wrong if in a society authenticity and individuality are valued and at the same time there is pressure to optimize.” (Link)

How it really is [FALSE]:

a) As long as it is not extreme in the long-term, optimization in common sense, can be viewed as adaptive behavior. On the other hand, long-term, blind optimization might lead to burn-out-similar stages. It is very important to understand this distinction and work with it. Optimization, even if it is ongoing, can’t be judged as negative.

b) It is difficult to understand how well-planned, individually adjusted, long-term optimization as one of many approaches to life, can be seen as something bad. From an intellectual standpoint, we have to acknowledge, that life is moving forward.

Thinking otherwise is intellectually dishonest. Circumstances are moving and changing. It means, that at some point, we will have to adjust to changing or developing circumstances. Staying the same or doing nothing might lead to nihilism.

My way:

For myself, ongoing optimization means to pursue what is important for me. This might be work success, family life, my favorite daily meal, just talking to my dog, love or long-term happiness. Long-term, well adjusted, conscious optimization helped me to not let go at any point. If this is what my clients pursue, my goal is to assist and assist only.

3.4.3. Reasons for coaching unclear?

What the critique is exactly:

There is no actual critique on this point. I just want to point out a few general reasons to approach a coach. Input for this part was taken from three sources: Own experience, as well as Source1 & Sourc2.

How it really is [FALSE]:

* Develop a plan for your professional future

* Improve motivation

* Build better relationsships and social capital at work and in private life

* Understand life changing moments more properly

* Understand behavioral and cognitive patterns

* Improve daily routines

* Improve negotiation techniques

* Better coping with stress and improved conflict solving

* Improve intellectual and physical fitness

* Improve well-being and happiness (however it is defined)

* Set proper goals and priorities and prepare for unknown situations

* Improve work-life balance

* Improve self-confidence, self-consciousness, self-reflection and self-efficiacy

* Recognize potentials, improve strenghts and solve weaknesses

* Improve creativity and flow frequency

* Improve financial state

* Improve leadership skills

* Trigger change-processes

My way:

The points above are just some practical examples of topics, which clients can decide to work on. At the end it depends completely on the requirements of the client. The coach provides the necessary process and/or framework.

3.5.1. Outcome limitations unclarified by professionals?

What the critique is exactly:

“There is no evidence for any outcomes when participating in coaching”

“It is ideology. […] Building a sense of omnipotence in clients, explaining that man has no limitations, only motivation is needed” (Link)

How it really is [FALSE]:

a) There is an overview page concerning scientifically analyzed outcomes of coaching on my website.

b) There is an additional meta-analysis on the outcomes of coaching in organizational context. The meta-analysis suggests, that coaching has significant effects on performance/skills, well-being, coping, work attitudes, and goal-directed self-regulation on individual level.

c) Coaching should always be clear about its own limitations. However, the coach can only assist in waking up existing talents by yourself, give impulses and work towards improvements in practice.

Coaching can’t evolve a high achiever or a party socializer out of an introvert. Coaching is not able to deliver the relevant content, knowledge or experience necessary to become an expert in any field, though it is suggested by many XYZ Coaches, that they can.

d) Coaching can’t replace the necessary work of a psychotherapist, psychiatrist, psychologist or equal practitioners. Trauma, anxiety, depression, addiction should never ever be treated by a coach without the neccesary education and practical training.

Coaching grounds its approaches in emotional, behavioral, cognitive and positive psychology as well as the humantistic approach of Carl Rogers. Such frameworks do enable coaching to be effective, but put big restraints at more comprehensive human issues.

Some quotes to underly the essence of coaching:

“My goal […] is to heighten awareness of the difference between a “problem executive” who can be trained to function effectively and an “executive with a problem” who can best be helped by psychotherapy.” (Link)

My way:

I am completely on board with points a) to d) from above. As a coach, sometimes i will touch issues, which are out of my coaching scope. I have completed my psychology masters degree additonally to my business administration degree. I was aware at the beginning of my journey, that at some point i will be confronted with issues, that coaching frameworks will not be able to solve or even tend to produce harm. As a professional coach, you have always to be aware of such limitations.

When working with me, my clients will not get any promise on outcomes. What my client are receiving, is the assurance to be confronted with somebody who has put the highest effort in his education, tries to apply the highest standards to the process implemented as well as having somebody with a high degree of experience in peoples business.

3.5.2. Is there a risk of negative outcomes?

What the critique is exactly:

“Executive coaches who lack rigorous psychological training do more harm than good” (Link)

“Ambitious goals often turn out to be unrealistic. Then comes disappointment and development is associated with experiencing negative emotions, dissatisfaction with yourself. People who are open to new experiences, ready to test themselves in various situations, and extroverts and perfectionists most often fall into this trap.” (Link)

How it really is [TRUE]:

Of course, this risk is obvious, with some limitations. From my perspective it is even one of the most important critiques.

a) When planning to enter the coaching market as a coach, one has to ask him- or herself, what the service will look like. Are you going to work on specific fields, providing knowledge or a way to move on a topic, then it might be more sensful to call yourself a trainer, consultant or mentor. Coaching in a pure form in general works with a specific (psychologically influenced) set of processual and methodological structure.

b) As soon as you will be working with people on belief systems, life structures, behavioral patterns etc. you will out of definition touch psychological spheres. This fact makes it very important to be adequately prepared, theoretically as well as practically.

My way:

This is why i have been educating myself for 6 years right now in coaching and psychology. Such practices as NLP, hyponosis or systemic coaching are a good beginning to introduce somebody to concepts like self-reflection, but do have big limitations. Professionals using such methodology, should only stay in their area of conduct and not step outside of it, unless they are properly trained.

The same applies to coaches, trainers or mentors. At the end i am not the expert to judge NLP, hypnosis or systemic coaching approaches, as i have not been a practicioner in those areas. What i can do though, is to put emphasis on proper preparation, in order to not have an negative influence on a clients well-being.

3.5.3. Loss of personal variance?

What the critique is exactly:

“Personality variance is lost, Authenticity is important – narrow gauge personalities” (Link)

How it really is [FALSE]:

a) Based on the definition of coaching, being a kind of framework for optimization or more general “moving forward” / avoiding nihilism. coaching does not try to push individuals into “the right” direction. It is not related to any content, mindset or worldview. It does not try to build specific skills, foster hedonism  or eudamonism.

b) Coaching therefore by definition can’t produce narrow personalities, as it would require certain world views to influence the coaching process.

c) Personalitie with their life’s content decide on what to work on and which content to “move forward”, individually. Now “moving forward” as a general approach to life might be critized here. Nihilism would be the alternative and it seems, that it is an even worse approach to life. I’ll leave the argument against nihilism out at this point, as it would take another full article.

My way:

From my perspective as a coach, i am trying not to focus on “coaching” as a methodology coming from gurus. I do not guide. I enhance and emphasize in my practice on both main methods “asking question” and “proactive listening”. This helps in being directed as much as possible by the clients needs.

Being able to work with certain methods was not enough in my understanding as a coach. Therefore i have decided to finish a masters degree in psychology in order to have all the necessary theoretical and methodlogical underlying.

With such underlying i am able to move within the coaching framework, while knowing when to step back from coaching and enter other fields of human assistance. When i do so, i always have to be transparent about it and inform my clients or forward them to specialist colleagues.

From my perspective as a coachee, i remember how coaching gave me the strengh to work on myself and not accept a low-level and unhappy life (however it was defined for me). I was already kind of succesful, but have never lived to my full potential. The important thing is: no coach has ever tried to push me in any direction (and this is a compliment for the people i have met on my journey).

3.6.1. Do coaches have an unfounded education?

What the critique is exactly:

“The confusion of teaching content and methods does not make things easier” (Link)

“Transparent and serious training standards” (Link)

“unfounded edcution” (Link)

How it really is [FALSE]:

a) It is not about the methods and content of an education, as both might vary depending on the school. It is about the fit within a theoretical framework with empirical evidence as the underlying fundament.

b) From a meta perspective, respective associations will play a crucial role in establishing an accepted ground [See answers to point 3.2.2. above].

c) In Coaching, as proactive listening and asking questions are the most important pillars. Both are enabling a self-directed individual development of the coachee as the highest goal.

The theoretical foundation is cognitive psychology, emotional psychology, behavioral psychology and especially the ideas of Carl Rogers. On the empirical end, there have been conducted some studies concerning the outcomes to be expected from coaching.

d) Furthermore some independet and dependent societies have tried to provide an overview for internationally valid know how – a catalogue with criteria was created by the german association Stiftung Warentest. Some of criteria, which should be met and are of highest importance are listed below:

* Basic understanding of developmental psychology

* Basic understanding of personality in psychology

* Basic understanding of systems and transactional psychology

* Basic understanding of psychology of emotions

* Basic understanding of differences between coaching and psychology, psychotherapy etc.

* Basic understanding of change processes

* Basic understanding of diagnostics in psychology

* Basic understanding of stress coping mechanisms

* Basic understanding of the theory of leadership

e) Furthermore the coaching market should make clear, to communicate what a coach is and what to expect or what not to expect. In best case the market communicates the status quo of empirical research.

f) When somebody who is promising a predefined outcome or is telling that he or she knows whats best in a given field (for example in motivation or for example at work), then this can’t be coaching in its pure form. It might be training or conuslting, but not coaching.

Some quotes to underly the essence of coaching:

“It is true that coaching is not an academic subject – that was not psychology until 150 years ago. It is considered further training, which usually follows an already existing academic degree. Coaching training lasts an average of 200 hours, includes theoretical and practical units, costs around 5,000 euros and must be continuously renewed through further training. The trade inspectorate, chambers of industry and commerce, and consumer protection associations have clearly defined who, under what conditions, may call themselves a coach and work as such.” (Link)

“They bring influences as far apart as the GROW-model, solution-focused brief therapy, positive psychology and person-centred counselling (De Haan & Burger, 2005).” (Link)

My way:

From my perspective, there are diverse ways to becoming a coach – but to provide you an idea – a general approach might be:

* Get yourself a coach and go through the process by yourself

* Finish a degree in humanistic studies (especially psychology should be mentioned)

* Find yourself a supervising coach, when starting practice

* Complete further studies within a certified coaching program (especially the ICF programs should be mentioned)

* Gain first experience within peoples business

3.6.2. Coaches have a lack of specialization?

What the critique is exactly:

“Good coaches, on the other hand, mostly specialize in certain industries, areas and topics” (Link)

How it really is [FALSE]:

a) This is a false belief. A good coach is not somebody, who is specialized in certain industries.

A succesful coach or a coach visible from marketing perspective will probably be specialized in certain industries.

A good coach will have the appropriate education and theoretical as well as practical underlying for his conduct. He or she will be able to conduct coaching on the highest possible level.

b) As already desribed a few times within this article, coaching in its approach is independent from any industry. In order to exist in the market, coaches will probably have to communicate specialzation to markets, though. The argument here is, that similarity drives acceptance.

My way:

From my perspective as a coach, the entrance into the coaching market was obviously far more easy, when communicating, that i specialize in digital business. As i am a digital native, dealing with people who are digital natives or are confronted with digitalization, is what i do since the beginning of my professional life.

The degree of upfront acceptance made it easier, to start working in the field. My specialization was unimportant for me, when actually working with clients, as it makes no difference whether i am the assistance to a digital native or a traditional industrial worker. The human processes stay exactly the same.

3.7.1. Coaches only focus on short-term gain!

What the critique is exactly:

“Coaching may lead to a short-term euphoria, but sustainability is rather not achieved.” (Link)

“Businesspeople in general—and American ones in particular—constantly look for new ways to change as quickly and painlessly as possible.” (Link)

How it really is [Unclear]:

a) This might be true and false, indeed. Given the assumption, that many so called coaches do not have the proper understanding, of what coaching in its pure form actucally means.

b) Coaching and especially the coaching relationship should be created as a long term relationsship. This implies, that the potential effects are not triggered to be short-term.

Short term effects are a very important feedback from the environment, though. How would a human being know, whether he or she is moving in the right direction? Coaching in itself should not exlude short term or long term benefits.

c) Furthermore it depends on individual requirements. Working in coaching, especially working with such models as GROW, should processually guarantee to cover the needs of a client.

d) There should always be some kind of expectation management including a coaching contract at the beginning. This includes the willingness to work on the coachees relevant topics from both sides and should be the fundament of a coaching relationship. If the coachee is looking at short term improvement, he or she should communicate it.

My way:

I want to quote something i found on the harvard business review:

“Success is defined in 12 simple steps or seven effective habits. In this environment of quick fixes, psychotherapy has become marginalized. And executive coaches have stepped in to fill the gap, offering a kind of instant alternative” (Link)

3.8.1. Coaches don’t make sufficient income?

What the critique is exactly:

“According to the current study, more than half of the 452 coaches surveyed generated a maximum of a quarter of their annual income with it” (Link)

“Most also work as consultants and trainers. No wonder that more and more of them are offering coaching trainings themselves. After all, it is much more lucrative to collect € 4,000 course fees from 20 participants than to laboriously acquire coaching clients.” (Link)

“The fact that the problem of lack of demand is real can also be seen in the boom in networking platforms that claim to give coaches full order books” (Link)

How it really is [TRUE]:

a) This seems to be true to a certain degree. Often companies and inidividuals are not able to implement by themselves, what they are preaching. As an example: I have worked for clients as a consultant for data driven businesses. In no way the companies which employed me, implemented into their own digital touchpoints, processes and developmental approaches solutions, which they were teaching

b) Some missing parts from a coaching practitioners perspective are

* Opaque methodology, theory and objectives

* No clear supply, product definition and USP communicated to the market;

* No clear definition of target groups;

* No clear processual approach to coaching

You will, in most cases not become a successful soccer player by just calling yourself that way. You will in most cases not be able to live from coaching, if you only think you are a coach or have a sign at your door. At the end you will have to deal with the well-known iceberg metaphor, which means that expertise and mastery in coaching will require hard work.

My way:

From my perspective, i do not earn the respective income right now with my coaching services. But my coaching project is planned to be a “longterm growth project”, which should be providing active as well as passive income over time, based on fundamentally stable ground: my education.

Furthermore, my products should grow based on the potential added value for my clients, which i am able to produce . In order to produce added value i need a thoughtfully developed and planned product. This is what i am investing into right now.

* Market increasing rapidly
* People entering market with diverse services
* People in developed countries with increased demand for developmental assistance

1. General – What is a coach

_{Unclear, what a coach is?
[TRUE] Coaching is used as a byword and not centrally, scientifically defined, yet.
Coaches should be mature personalities
[FALSE] Maturity is helpful in general, but is not a mandatory requirement. A proper preparation is.
Coaches should not work within (dangerous) predefined belief-systems
[TRUE] Pure coaching per definition should work within a neutral, processual approach without external influences.}

2. Client perspective – The coaching market

_{There is a high number of coaches available
[TRUE] This is due to lack of regulation and central commitment on how coaching works
There are no or too many professional associations
[UNCLEAR] There is no official association communicated, but there are some internationally accepted, like the ICF.}

3. Client perspective – How to get a coach myself?

_{Unclear how to decide on a proper coach?
[FALSE] Recommendations, qualification, experience and the conduct of a coach are proper decisionmarks – Check coach-in-business.com
Unclear how to evaluate a coach?
[TRUE] There is no framework for evaluation, but indications based on client satisfaction, outcome achievement degrees, behavioral development degrees and organizational added values – Check coach-in-business.com}

4. Client perspective – Why to get a coach myself?

_{Life consulting is unnecessary
[FALSE] Though people naturally know what to do, sometimes knowledge and experience is not enough until consciously enacted
Ongoing optimization is unnecessary?
[FALSE] As long as it is long-term, conscious, self-reflective, indidividually adapted optimization, it should be beneficial.
Reasons for coaching unclear?
[FALSE] Many professionals and sites have written down a variety of possible reasons to get a coach – Check coach-in-business.com}

5. Client perspective – What to expect from coaching?

_{Outcome limitations unclarified by professionals?
[FALSE] There is plenty of empirical research on outcomes of coaching, which might not be communicated correctly by professionals – Check coach-in-business.com
Is there a risk of negative outcomes?
[TRUE] If not properly conducted, coaching as any psychological approach might lead to negative outcomes.
Loss of personal variance?
[FALSE] Coaching in itself should never put own belief-systems on the coachee, but assist within a individual procesual approach}

6. Coach perspective – How to become a coach?

_{Do coaches have a unfounded education?
[FALSE] If confronted with a proper coach, there are certified programs which put emphasis on the proper psychological underlying of the education – Check coach-in-business.com
Coaches have a lack of specialization?
[FALSE] The exact opposite, as coaching is a neutral approach, appicable to all areas of life and specialization being a marketing approach to market services – Check coach-in-business.com}

7. Coach perspective – how to behave as a coach?

_{Coaches only focus on short term gain?
[Unclear] Short-term gain, as feedback from environment, as well as long-term improvement should both be part of coaching outcomes depending on individual needs of the coachee}

8. Coach perspective – how to make a living as a coach?

_{Coaches don’t have sufficient income?
[TRUE] When entering the market, coaches are often unclear about methodology, theory and objectives as well as service description, USPs, target groups communicated to markets}

People often talk about satisfaction at work or about being engaged in work. People often understand satisfaction as coming from cirumstances, like the sallary, the social bond with coworkers or the possibilities of development.

Engagement seems to be connected to satisfaction, maybe influenced by satisfaction. Engagement is often understood as the willingness to go the extra-mile.

Employees judge themselves retrospectively. Employers judge their employees based on evaluations of satisfaction and engagement. Employees might think, that lower satisfaction and engagement are suggesting to change the company, ask for changes etc.. Employers might see indicators of lower loyality, lower willingness to be part of success of the company etc.

Often wrong

Satisfaction and engagement seem to be central indicators of the employee-work relations, but at the same time, they are not defined precise enough in a common sense. They are not defined precise enough in order to develop mechanisms, which will increase both, satsisfaction and engagement. Such mechanisms are often assumed to be sallary increases. Both employees and employers assume, that increasing sallaries will improve satisfaction and engagement. What if satisfaction and engagement are not understood properly and are ill-defined, therefore the motivational constructs, which should increase them, lead to positive effects only in short-term or to negative effects in long-term?

So what is engagement? There are different approaches to the concept.

The first approach defines engagement as identification with work. It depends on individual attributes, work circumstances and social context factors. Factors such as age, need for development, autonomy at work and in decision making, difficulty in task performing, group work or independent work may have an impact on engagement.

The second approach defines engagement as some kind of involvement. This involvement energizes the person and leads to action taking, which on the other hand leads to personal and professional fulfillment. Such energization on the other hand has it’s risks. When becoming extreme, it might lead to professional burnouts.

The third approach defines engagement as a positive cognitive perception of work and a positive cognitive leaning towards work. This in long-term leads to a general fulfillment.

Engagement understood within the three concepts above involves sub-concepts, such as vigor (which equals high energy and willingness to work), dedication (which equals 100% sensefullnes based on work) and absorption (which is kind of forgetting the world around, while at work).

Engagement in the longrun leads to taking over greater responsibility in shaping the organization. Engaged employees do their job conscientiously and voluntarily provide more input and energy to the outcomes of a company. At the same time, engaged employees have a positive effect on co-workers, increasing their engagement.

In general satisfaction is understood as a set of attitudes and feelings, both negative and positive for a given work (easier defined: the degree to which an employee likes or dislikes his or her job). Formerly, satisfaction was understood as a measure of satisfied physical and psychological needs.

More recently, satisisfaction is understood as the outcome of superior cognitive processes. Work and work experience in the eyes of a satisfied employee, is perceived as emotional, positive and pleasant.

Similar, to engagement, which is consists of sub-elements, satisfaction can be understood as a global concept as well as a detailed concept consisting of sub-concepts.

From another point of view, the detailled approach defines satisfaction as the thoughts, feelings and behaviors, that employees have about certain sub-aspects of their work.

Work satisfaction consists of three components: the affective component, the cognitive component and the behavioral component. The affective component presents feelings, emotions and attitudes towards work. The cognitive component describes the rational beliefs about the work situation (Work can be interesting, motivating, attracting, but also hard and difficult). The behavioral component descibes tendencies to display certain behaviors at work: Such as being accurate to timings, promoting good opinions about the employer, staying after hours.

Engagement at work might be considered as a motivational construct concerning work itself. Satisfaction on the other hand might be seen as a positive reactive state, after engagement has been increased.

So the assumptions are not directly confirming or might even contradict the general assumption, that satisfaction increases engagement. This leads to the suggestion, that methods should not aim at increasing satisfaction, but at increasing engagement directly. One could understand this better this way:

Engagement leads to enthusiasm, energization and mobilization.

Satisfaction leads to higher satisfaction and comfort, which might in a worse case scenario lead to less energization and mobilization.

Employees are more willing to devote more time to their work and their company, when they become more engaged. Employees then are perceiving their ability to fulfill essential needs at work and private life as very high. As an employer: if you perceive your ability to work properly for you as well as for your employee as high, you will engage more and more. Increasing engagement therefore is the way to increase and maintain satisfaction.

Newer studies underline the importance of both concepts in impacting each other.

On this basis, it can be concluded, that employers should take care of both aspects among their employees. Both satisfaction and engagement should be cared of, as they are mutually affecting each other and bringing future benefits to the functioning of companies.

Salary as the main method for increasing satisfaction and engagement is not effective, as assumed. Many studies indicate, that salary does not change the long term effects on both scales. Even employees, who were unsatisfied with benefits and salary, were not less satisfied, than co-workers. Other aspects, such as growth-potential, involvement and engagement in company decision making, supervision and mentor-programms and transparency were more directly connected to overall satisfaction.

From a employer-perspective, there are certain mechanisms, which could increase both engagement and satisfaction. Salary and benefit is one component, but should be used strategically.

Create transparent policies and processes: Every employee engaged, should have insights on why and how things are working and progressing, especially if it connects directly with their work

Create an environment of support: Every employee needs the feeling of being supported, if necessary, while not developing the feeling of control. The rule should be: As much support as necessary, as little control as possible.

Create a view, which allows development and goal pursuing: Employees should have the possibility to aim at certain target states at work.

Create a system, where the employee decides: Let the employee decide, if somehow possible. Involvement in decision making increases capabilties, work ressources and increases the speed of the learning curve. A good rule might be: An effective leader is the one, which makes the followers think “they achieved something by themselves, only”.

Create a salary and benefits programm, that is not predictable but transparent: Provide increases and benefits, not on a regular basis, but on a irregular, but understandable way as a gratification for past achievement and a incentive for future great behaviors.

Create jobs within your company with end-2-end responsibility: The tasks an employee is conducting, should include the planning and decision making as well as the finishing till the end-product.

Create jobs within your compamy with verticle and horizontal challenges: vertical challenges are tasks from higher hierarchy-levels. horizontal challenges include tasks on new topics.

From a perspective as an employee, the major suggestion would be to concentrate on building own engagement. Set own goals, try to fulfill tasks as good as possible. Try to deliver results. Do not look at satisfaction in short-term. To be satisfied is – in my opinion – a long-term concept and not the main product, but a by-product of proper work itself.

Try to take over responsibility and be autonomous: Try to find tasks which imply high responsibility and solve them by yourself.

Try to always set a higher goal or undertake a more difficult journey / task: Do not rest based on satisfying results. Aim higher, try to get a little bit more out of the next adventure.

Try to not delegate decision making to others: Do not seek for the decisions of others, e.g. a husband, a wife or a supervisor. At least try to evaluate possible decisions by yourself and then seek advice.

Try to undertake difficult tasks: task should be as difficult as possible, while the solution should be as easy as necessary in order to be able to achieve it.

Try to grow in teamwork: Look out for tasks, where shared ressources and common goals might lead to higher positive outcomes for you and the group.