This blog post is an extension or holistic illustration of the first article on conflicts and conflict resolution.

Conflict resolution aims to resolve a phenomenon consisting of conflicting views, decisions or needs of individuals or groups. So the question arises in advance, what are conflicts?

A conflict in itself can be described as follows: At a certain point in time two different tendencies, attitudes, concepts and ideas, views, beliefs, interests, goals, values, feelings or simply perception of reality collide. This difference is not accepted by the parties and there is a collision, a dispute.

A conflict arises when:

– two or more parties which are dependent on each other
– incompatible differences (interests, needs, values)
– neither Party can achieve the objectives without the participation or consent of the other Party
– the parties are blocking the realisation of their ambitions

What are the most common causes of conflict:

– Communication error
– unmet needs, expectations,
– functioning in a specific social role
– Need to maintain a positive self-esteem
– Stereotypes & Misunderstandings
– Errors in the perception of people and situations
– Every conflict situation is characterized by the presence of strong, difficult emotions.

Conflicts are social phenomena that have always existed and will continue to exist in every community. When we look at psychological issues, we can also distinguish inner conflicts. Sigmund Freud sees the cause as the eternal clash of levels such as the id, ego and superego. He also claimed that defense mechanisms are necessary for a person to be able to deal with internal conflicts.

Types of conflict:

– Data conflict,
– Conflict of values,
– Relationship conflict
– Conflict of interest,
– structural conflict,
– Intrapsychic (inner) conflict.

According to Glasl there are different stages of hardening of a conflict.

Degrees of conflict hardening:

– WIN-WIN Situation: mutually beneficial
– WIN-LOSE Situation: one side benefits
– LOSE-LOSE Situation: neither side benefits

In detail, these hardening stages look as follows:

– WIN-WIN Situation: mutually beneficial
1. hardening: attempts at cooperation and the formation of incidental tensions: each side of the conflict adopts its own positions, which are clearly formulated, but there is still room for appropriate and constructive discussion
2. Polarisation of positions and style of debate: black-and-white thinking of those involved in the conflict who perceive the opposing party as a competitor
3. Interaction through actions, not words: when speaking no longer helps to convince the other party that one is right, non-verbal signs (e.g. closed doors, no greeting) become increasingly important

– WIN-LOSE Situation: one side benefits
4. Concern for image and coalition: the essence of the conflict recedes into the background, now it is a matter of unjustifiably discrediting the opponent, putting oneself in a better light and rehabilitating oneself in other areas
5. Loss of face (and moral indignation): Publicly attacking the opponent aggressively, “damaging” his reputation
6. The dominance of strategies based on fear: The conflict parties resort to intimidation of the opponent with threats, these threats must be real

– LOSE-LOSE Situation: neither side benefits
7. Systematic, destructive campaigns against the opposition: The other side is not understood as a “person”, hence the implementation of threats that lead to a change in the value of the opponent
8. Attacks against the emotional balance of the enemy: the destruction of the emotional system
9. Total destruction and suicide: the total war from which there is no way out, by destroying the enemy with the most aggressive means

The following solution approaches in the individual phases are possible and recommended:

– Level 1-3: Mediation
– Level 3-5: Processual guidelines
– Level 4-6: sociotherapeutic counselling process
– Level 5-7: Agency
– Level 6-8: Arbitration
– Level 7-9: Forced intervention

Conflicts can also arise between private individuals and companies, for example when a sales contract has been concluded.
Exemplary services that mediate between parties of a sales contract are Paypal & eBay, which have their own contact points to mediate between buyer & seller:

– Paypal: https://www.paypal.com/de/webapps/mpp/resolution-help
– Ebay: https://resolutioncenter.ebay.de/

However, this will not be discussed in the following article.

Typically, the following terms can also be used as a synonym for conflict resolution:
problem solving, compromise solution, solution path, conflict management and similar solution-oriented terms.

In psychology, as in conflict resolution, a prior diagnosis of the current situation is indispensable. The diagnosis can be described as the art of differentiation through indirect cognition. It is the recognition of a state and its developmental tendencies based on the symptoms and based on the knowledge of general rules.

In the first step it is important to describe the situation and the context.

Factors that enable contextual evaluation:

– The issues: Description of the conflict in terms of content
– The conflict parties: who with whom?
– The obiective description: what are the facts
– The development: What is the course of the conflict
– Evaluation: What is the outcome of the conflict

1. Avoidance
You pretend that nothing happened. This attitude says: I don’t care about anything, I just want it to stop! One does not perceive the conflict; one does not agree to the slightest interaction. The result: The needs of both sides are not satisfied, nobody reaches the goals.

2. Concession

The essence of this strategy is passivity, concessions, the desire to accommodate the other side. We give up our needs, we prefer to ease the situation. When it comes to victory, the other side takes everything and we take nothing. For the sake of peace and quiet, to protect the relationship or because the superiority of the law of the other party is recognized, we give up and sacrifice our needs completely.

3. Confrontation/Rivality
You challenge to a duel! Competition, struggle, rivalry. It’s an extreme strategy where you do everything at the expense of the other side.

4. Compromise
You give in a little. You fulfill some of your own goals, so that some of the goals can be fulfilled by the other party. It seems great, but at the same time there is the possibility of dissatisfaction and although there are no losers, the victories are only worth half.

5. Cooperation
Both sides are looking for common solutions that will enable each of them to achieve their goals and meet their needs. There are no losers. Cooperation usually pays off for everyone, but it is difficult, requires time, goodwill and conscious effort.

In a situation of conflicting needs, where each party is striving for something different, we are confronted with one of the following strategies, as described above: “win-lose”, “lose-lose” and “win-win”.

Thomas Gordon, author of numerous books on education, distinguishes the following types of attitudes of parents in conflict situations.

It is important to note that the following systems and procedures are absolutely applicable to conflict situations outside families:

– The winners: Believe in the power of commands & rewards. Orders effect obedience without getting involved in discussions. Conflicts always end with a victory over the child. Such parents “always know better” and act “for the good of the child”.

– The defeated: Give in to the child in a conflict situation. Avoid prohibitions and fulfill every wish.

– The nodding candidates: Those who don’t consistently take any of the positions are winners one time, they give in to the kid another time. Sometimes they are extremely strict, sometimes irresponsibly indulgent. This attitude leads to confusion for children and frustration for adults.

The latter two attitudes are based on a win-lose strategy, because parents do not know how to resolve conflicts without pointing out who is the best.

The win-win method or the method without losers: As a result of resolving the conflict with this method, neither party is a winner or a loser. The solution is satisfactory for all. The parent asks the child to work with the child to find a mutually acceptable solution to the conflict. Both can suggest possible solutions, which are then critically evaluated by them. Both parties ultimately decide which solution is best for the child.

There are six steps of the so-called “no fail” method:

1. identify and name the conflict
2. show the child that you understand feelings and needs:
3. develop solutions together.
4. criticise proposed solutions.
5. decide on the best solutions.
6. execute the decision you have made.

Sometimes conflicts are inevitable. In a team of employees, when contacting the customer or in stormy discussions with colleagues and superiors. The important question is with which approach you start the conversation and how you lead the discussion. Can you communicate with wisdom, wisdom and the ability to find a compromise?

In his book “How to Make Friends and unfluence people”, Dale Carnegie presented key elements that can be useful in a conversation in which there are differences of opinion:

– Reflection: First think about why you have a disagreement and do not approach it with a negative attitude.
– Do not jump to conclusions: – in a discussion, defending one’s own opinion is a reflex, which may not always be right.
– Solution orientation: look for solutions to the situation.
– Stay relaxed: Try to control your temper
– Listen carefully: give your interviewer a chance to speak
– Finding common ground: Try to find common interests, positive aspects of the person you’re talking to.
– Honesty and clarity: Be honest with yourself and think about whether your statement could be ambiguous
– Openness to your own mistakes: Do not be afraid to admit that you have made a mistake and agree with your interlocutor on certain questions
– Openness: If the subject is difficult, promise to think about it, analyse it and refer to it
– Gratitude: Thank you sincerely for the conversation, whether you reach an agreement or not.

The school situation is very complex. Conflicts can arise between different participants, e.g. between teachers and teachers, teachers and pupils, teachers and parents, parents and parents, etc.

Becker describes a process model for solution finding:

1. definition and description of the conflict
2. emotional influence of the conflict on conflict parties
3. raising the fact that a conflict exists
4. select conflict resolution mechanism
5. questioning the parties to the conflict in order to gather information
6-7 Causal research via various sources
8. change of perspective to build up empathy & understanding
9. common objective of conflict resolution
10. joint definition of possible courses of action
11. joint examination of possible courses of action
12. develop and implement an action plan
13. evaluation of success

There are different methods that can be used, depending on the phase you are in. Already discussed in the previous chapters are methods of the Thomas Kilman model, ideas according to Dale Carnegie and the Gordon model.

However, conflicts can also be dealt with from a different position, namely before conflicts even occur.

Some measures, which may be of a preventive nature, are:

– Define transparent framework conditions
– Communicate a transparent framework and debate openly
– Define principles of open debate & feedback culture
– Implementation of an open debate & feedback culture
– Describing, reflecting & optimizing own & common conditions together
– Creation of possibilities for secret feedback

The best known traditional conflict resolution techniques are

– avoidance (retreat, escape);
– postponement of conflicts;
– mitigation (adaptation, peaceful coexistence);
– extortion (rivalry, dominance);
– majority rule;
– interference of third parties

The best known new conflict resolution techniques are:

– Compromise;
– reconciliation;
– confrontation meeting;
– definition of overarching objectives;
– disclosure of common interest;
– call for tender;
– negotiations;
– mediation;
– arbitration;
– hierarchical decisions;
– appeal strategy;
– strategy for rebuilding the system;
– Image exchange meeting

The essence of mediation is to resolve a dispute through a mediator or a third party moderating a discussion.
However, the role in conflict resolution is not to impose ready-made solutions on the parties, but to create favourable conditions for discussion, to get to know the motives and arguments of the other party, to calmly consider the contentious issues and to reach a consensus.

Here are some principles that increase the effectiveness of the mediation approach:

– Voluntariness – the participants in the conflict must express their willingness to reach a mutually agreed solution to the conflict.
– Confidentiality – the mediator and the parties to the conflict should not disclose information obtained during the mediation to third parties
– Impartiality – each party is treated equally by the mediator.
– Neutrality – the mediator maintains the balance with regard to the cause of the conflict.
– Decision neutrality – the mediator cannot decide on the outcome of the dispute. The parties to the conflict decide on the position of the mediator in the mediation process

Principles of active speaking and active listening, as basic principles in coaching as well as in psychology, I have already described in my blog post on communication.
Communication is the process of verbal or nonverbal exchange of information between two individuals. It shapes the relationships between people. Communication is always two-way, i.e. the person who sends information to the other person, i.e. the sender, becomes the recipient of the feedback.

A similar situation applies to the person who sends a reply. Information or messages can be communicated in different ways. We communicate with words – this is verbal communication, while we communicate with signals, then it is non-verbal communication.

Here are some principles of good – active listening:

– Without words, show that you are listening and trying to understand the person you are talking to. Without words means, e.g. turn to your conversation partner, look for eye contact from time to time
– Try to identify the intentions and feelings of your interlocutor by paying attention to the verbal and non-verbal signals.
– Put yourself in the situation of your conversation partner, put yourself in his or her position.
– Make sure that you understand the content and the intention of your interlocutor. Repeat the most important thoughts in your own words.
– Interrupt only if necessary, do not rush your partner, give advice only if absolutely necessary, do not ignore your partner.
– Be transparent when it comes to your own opinions and feelings
– To communicate effectively, ask questions. Apply the journalistic rule of the seven questions (who, what, where, when, how, why, from where).
– Use different types of questions

The basic element of education and upbringing of children is learning how to deal with problems and conflicts. For this to happen, children should express their feelings, develop communication skills and tolerance. They should get used to teamwork, sometimes thinking of themselves, sometimes thinking of the common good. Children should learn to behave in a way that makes future & repeated playing with other children more likely.

The Alpha model is a rough model to describe the phases for the processing and transparent representation of a conflict
https://www.ifb.de/kommunikation/wissen-infos/konfliktmanagement/konfliktloesungsmodelle/konfliktloesungsmodell-alpha

The feedback model is a model that describes how to communicate the specific states of a conflict without provoking further escalation.
https://www.ifb.de/kommunikation/wissen-infos/konfliktmanagement/konfliktloesungsmodelle/konfliktloesungsmodell-gespraechsfuehrung

The Harvard model is a model that focuses on obiective facts and the respective subjective interests of the conflict parties involved, as well as the elaboration of joint proposals for solutions.
https://www.advocard.de/streitlotse/arbeit-und-karriere/konflikte-loesen-mit-dem-harvard-konzept-in-4-schritten/

Regardless of whether the child is calm, nice and quiet, or on the contrary, malicious, easily irritated and passionately argues (about everything, with everyone), it is impossible to eliminate from one’s life situations in which the child is confronted with different positions.
That is why it is worth investing – to ensure that the child is able to act in conflict situations, that it does not feel like a defenceless victim, but also that it does not draw strength from the fact that it is an aggressor.

Typical conflict situation in a family context in which children are involved:

– The child has bad grades.
– The child does not want to talk to his parents.
– The child runs away from school.
– The child has friends that his parents do not tolerate.
– The child does not want to help at home.
– The child lies, steals, etc.
– The parents have no work.
– The parents divorce.
– There is no one to take care of the child because parents work late, for example.
– The parents have no time for the child.
– There is a serious illness in the family.
– Alcoholism etc.

Furthermore: In school, we often use the so-called criminal justice system to resolve conflicts between pupils, i.e. we focus on punishing the offender and not on resolving the conflict or making good the damage or loss caused.

Here are some basic approaches for parents:

– Having rules, respecting values and respecting boundaries – showing which behaviour is acceptable and which is unacceptable Not being tolerant and not reacting to behaviour that is unacceptable. Simultaneously supporting and affirming the child.
– Lead the child in a spirit of respect: Otherness and differences are okay. Also accept the child, give him a chance for self-development, express his individuality, do not restrict him too much, let him make decisions and learn to take decisions and responsibility.
– Talk – about different situations from everyday life, but also about those that happened to others – to the children. Also discuss characters from fairy tales or series.
– Let the child feel the negative emotions. It is not that anger, resentment or jealousy are bad. Emotions are just there, they usually have a certain reason and we have to accept or even use them. We cannot influence their appearance. But it is important – and it is up to us,  what we do with them.
– Never force an apology, especially if the conflict continues. It does not end the conflict by any means, but it causes frustration and does not ease the tension.
– Teach your child to express himself. Let him talk: about his emotions, his right, his position. Open, honest but also calm conversations, discussions, negotiations promote assertiveness, empathy and respect for others, which are the key to solving disputes.
– letting the child deal with the misunderstanding itself – resolving conflicts, looking for solutions, trying to get along on his own – brings the child the most. Even if a parent can do something for their child very quickly, this approach will not teach them anything. If your child has made several attempts to resolve difficulties with siblings or colleagues and still cannot communicate, encourage your child to follow your advice.
– Reduce your emotions – try to reduce your emotions in an acute conflict situation
– Help the child to understand the behaviour of others – show the perspective of another person, try to understand their motives and needs, can help the child to deal with conflict

Conflicts between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law are legendary. Sometimes it happens that disputes develop into protracted conflicts. How do you get out of an unpleasant situation?
Parents, mothers and fathers, love their children endlessly, so they make every effort to make their children happy. Mothers are to be emphasized here once again because of the special relationship.

When a daughter-in-law criticizes her husband, her mother-in-law often feels insulted. After all, a man’s attitude depends largely on what he has brought with him from his parental home. By pointing out the partner’s mistakes, we accuse the mother-in-law of making mistakes. Conversely, life partners resemble each other. If you criticize your partner, you accuse your daughter-in-law of making mistakes. Two things are important. Understanding for the other side as well as the good words of the partner involved, who is standing between the chairs.

A conflict in a relationship can arise for a variety of reasons, e.g. misunderstandings, disregard for the needs of the other, poor communication or lack of clarity about the respective roles. All types of conflict can be reduced to a common denominator, namely a conflict of interest.

The conflict can be divided into the following phases:

1. a premonition of a dispute: a gradual escalation of tensions leading to the conclusion that “something is wrong
2. mutual animosity: a feeling of misunderstanding, frustration, blame, recrimination
3. conflict: the culmination of the conflict in the form of a stormy exchange of opinions, in which negative emotions The parties to the conflict do not listen to their arguments and tend to blame and shout at each other;
4. silence: enables constructive communication in which emotions can be separated from rational arguments for the respective position. Silence is the first step towards agreement;
5. agreement: Confrontation of positions and working out a common solution to a dispute.

The “I” message as a method for conflict resolution:

Constructive communication is essential for working out an agreement. The “I” message is a form of expressing one’s own feelings, wishes and convictions that does not provoke the other party and does not make them responsible for what we feel and think. For example, instead of “You are annoying me” – “I am nervous” – the “I” message can be constructed in the following way.

The following form is often also used as a method of formulating feedback:

1. I feel – a statement of feelings or beliefs. Describe your feelings, e.g. anger, sadness, disappointment, regret etc.
2. if you – state a certain behaviour Describe neutrally the behaviour of your partner that causes the problem.
3. because – state consequences/values. Describe the consequences you have for your partner’s behaviour. Stay with the ego perspective
4. I would like – to formulate a goal. Say what you want. For example..: I want to feel valued. If you let me finish, I will have the opportunity to feel appreciated

Typical conflict situations in companies or in the world of work are encouraged by certain factors. These include::

– Interdependence in the achievement of objectives: the greater this interdependence, the greater the necessary coordination effort and the greater the potential for conflict. One solution is to highlight the common goal
– Different goals: Especially if you pursue different personal or business goals, it is quite possible that you may collide with each other
– Competition for limited resources: Especially in the case of limited resources and different goals or competing goals, conflicts can arise
– Interpersonal & emotional conflicts: Sometimes people with certain personalities simply cannot work with people of other personality types, have no trust in each other.
– Non-transparent favouritism: certain employees by managers
– Confrontation: failure to comply with certain unwritten group laws

In developmental psychology a crisis is viewed as a moment in time, during which future states and behaviors will be prepared, developed and at some point determined.

A crisis as a challenge

You can either solve or not solve a crisis.
The challenge to solve a developmental crisis comes with potential future benefits, not solving a crisis comes with potential risks.

Example of a crisis in developmental psychology

Children in early childhood do go through a crisis, where reaching autonomy is the goal. If the challenge is failed, future grown ups are at risk of feeling self embaressement and self doubt.

Well, Corona is not exactly a mandatory crisis for human development. It is a kind of challenge for the grown up world, though. Failing it comes with risks, solving it comes with benefits.

Challenges as a short and long term strategy

Being faced with a challenge, you will need focus on solving it. Solving it means building necessary ressources. Building such ressources in times of crisis will benefit yourself in shortterm during crisis as well as in longterm post crisis.

I want to show you, how i am approaching corona as a challenge and how this approach maintains my positive attitude.

I know, that context matters. I know the predispositions matter. I know, that not everybody will have the capabilities to approach corona as a challenge, currently.

1. It might be easier for me to deal with such a situations because:

_{*I am the “challenge accepted” guy. I like being in situations of win-lose character.
*I do not have an issue with losing. It is motivating for me, to become better.
*I am 36 years old and childless, this is why i have not faced some of major life challenges so far}

2. On the other hand, I do have a specific fear, which in is not beneficial in a time like corona it was triggered very strongly

_{*I am a person with high fear of loss, when it comes to family, partner and close friends.
*My granny is 91 yo, my mother is 55 yo & has prexisting conditions}

3. Availability heuristics

_{*”Corona live tickers” and “corona data streams” made me assume, that corona is coming and is already a thread to my family
*Having fear-like emotions can sharpen your focus on what is going on all around you and such a sharpened focus can create the illusion, that corona is the worst thing to ever happen to hummanity.}

So i had the possibility to maintain in such a situation of growing fear or somehow solve it. As an answer, I naturally developed a cognitive solution. It means, that i tried to rephrase the situation i am in. From being threatened to being challenged.

This is the crisis – or better said – the challenge i am in, right now.

i have prepared an infographic for you to illustrate the challenges i have formulated for myself

3.1.1. Stabilise your team in times of crisis and use the crisis to develop for future tasks

How to approach the challenge in 3 steps

1) Listen & react: Provide proactive & constructive feedback to coworkers for all incoming requests

**Short term benefit: You’ll be a fall back option for your coworkers. People tend to work better, when feeling secure.

**Long term benefit:  You will develop a standing as the go-to-contact for your colleagues.

2) Focus on contact: Not being physically around people, requires to develop a habit of staying proactively and transparently in contact in order to assist them (e.g. your clients)

**Short term benefit: Your colleagues and clients will feel to be in good hands, even within a crisis.

**Long term benefit:  You and your colleagues will use the crisis to develop a service oriented mind set, even without being physically around your colleagues and clients.

3) Promote creativity and problem solving: New digital working environment should not be structured top-down. Allow your team to develop responsibility & their own effective habits and share them among each other.

**Short term benefit: Your team will find an environment, which fits them best to work effectively through the crisis

**Long term benefit:  Your team will develop a feeling of responsibility and engagement, both linked positively to performance. You will develop necessary leadership strenghts.

3.2.1. Use digital environment to increase life quality of your social circle

How to approach the challenge in 3 steps

1) Digital services: Introduce digital services, especially to the elderly (eg. AMZ Alexa an easy way for oldest) <zdjecie Babcia Alexa>

**Short term benefit: Your family & friends will not be in risk of social isolation, especially those who are already at risk due to corona

**Long term benefit:  Your family & friends will learn and get used to digital services without being really externally forced to it. They will do it out of intrinsic motivation.

2) Contact without purpose of contact: Use playful ways to stay in contact & create common virtual experiences (eg. play UNO online or take part in social media challenges)

**Short term benefit: Cognitive focus will be driven away from corona topics

**Long term benefit:  Even in times of crisis you will go through common experiences and drive social bonding, which will then benefit in the future

3) Corona – connecting people: Connect different people virtually via telcos, who normally would never meet caused by distances

**Short term benefit: Learning to know new people, getting into new conversations creates cognitive challenges and drives creativity

**Long term benefit:  Being the socializer, will create new opportunities in future settings. Being socialized, will create new opportunities in future settings

3.2.2. Stabilise your family

How to approach the challenge in 3 steps

1) Inform in a balanced way: Provide necessary hope as well as conduct proper expectations management, so that people can prepare themselves for staying strong through crisis

**Short term benefit: Decreased probability of extreme views and therefore risky behavior during crisis

**Long term benefit: Family will learn to gather information in a more balanced way, diversifying sources

*Training online: Provide mental and physical training digitally (eg. round table discussions, meditition training, physical training)

**Short term benefit: Increased psychological and physical wealth

**Long term benefit: Family will learn new and more healthy ways of spending free time

*Prefilter information: Prefilter information for family and friends, who are cognitively not capable to process it (eg. Filter out suspicious theories or describe difficult statistics easily)

**Short term benefit: More realistic processing of current developments in crisis and better adaptation to externalities

**Long term benefit: Your family will be building future capabilities to evaluate crisis developments properly. You will become better in descibing complex things easily.

3.2.3. Be more cooperative

How to approach the challenge in 2 steps

1) Be a helping hand: Help your elderly neighbours or family & go grocery shopping. A simple note at the door is enough to get in contact

**Short term benefit: People at risk will not risk their health by going out. It will make you feel better by helping others.

**Long term benefit: One hand washes the other, and together they wash the face. First: people reciprocate, what you have done for them. Second: cooperation can lead to better outcomes.

2) Engage family in simple tasks: Create a setting of shared ressources and common goal. Give tasks people. An example might be to find out how to increase health and how to develop a common family strategy to face corona.

*Short term benefit: Turn the focus away from the terrbile attributes of the crisis, towards a more solution based approach. which decrease fear by information gathering.

**Long term benefit: Be the source of reputable and legitmate information and decrease risk of mental health issues.

3.3.1. Increase your rate of savings (to a lifetime high)

How to approach the challenge in 3 steps

1) Save the eating money: Normally you would spent money eating in bars and restaurants. Put that money in a money box.

**Short term benefit: Not spending money on other unnecessary goods and having money in place in case crisis gets worse.

**Long term benefit: Saving money for future plans.

2) Save the travelling money: Probably you don’t have to go to work. Try to save the money you would spent on public transportation or fuel.

**Short term benefit: Not spending money on other unnecessary goods and having money in place in case crisis gets worse.

**Long term benefit: Saving money for future plans.

3) Save the consumption money: Normally you would need to buy stuff, you don’t really need, like a new shirt, new shoes or a new tech gadget.

**Short term benefit: Not spending money on other unnecessary goods and having money in place in case crisis gets worse.

**Long term benefit: Saving money for future plans.

3.4.1. Get your immune system in better shape by developing more healthy habits

How to approach the challenge in 3 steps

1) Eat at home (no brainer): Try to plan and organise cooking at home as a game and learn new recipes. Gamify your cooking experience with your partner. Collect virtual points. Spent points on who is cooking next time.

**Short term benefit: Fun.

**Long term benefit: Developing a healthy ground for future plans.

2) Develop new eating habits: Develop new habits in eating, eg. have 3 meals a day.

**Short term benefit: Getting you body not to feel overwhelmed by either to little or to much to process

**Long term benefit: Developing healthy ground for future plans. Developing habits for a structured daily routine.

3) Track your eating habits: Track your meals by using respective applications (as you stay at home, it should not be as difficult)

**Short term benefit: Effort by writing everything down. But: Being in control of what happens with you body and therefore increase feeling of security

**Long term benefit: Learning about healthy habits from your bodies history and increasing well-being

3.4.2. Develop more sustainable sport habits

How to approach the challenge in 3 steps

1) Sports online: Use and learn from free online sport services (eg. livestreams), which are being created right now

**Short term benefit: Diversify your training plan or start with first small steps, as you don’t even need to leave your house

**Long term benefit: Learning new exercises will help to develop other physical areas of your body

2) New forms of sport: Try out new forms of sport and complete your comprehensive approach to your body

**Short term benefit: Diversify your training plan or start with first small steps, as you don’t even need to leave your house

**Long term benefit: Learning new exercises will help to develop other physical areas of your body and achieving a more balanced level

3) Get social in sports: Ask you family and friends for facetime sports

**Short term benefit: Help you family to strenghen their physical health

**Long term benefit: Introduce the elderly to home exercise and decrease entry barriers (eg. age)

3.4.3. Develop healthier mental life

How to approach the challenge in 3 steps

1) Mental training: Use spare time (as you are not travelling) for mental training, eg. to learn meditation, to read books, become better at favorite games etc.

**Short term benefit: Use your free time for something productive

**Long term benefit: Increase the probability of feeling satisfied and engaged with your own life after the crisis

2) Quality time: Use spare time for more quality time with family and friends, as described above: Play games online, discuss life stories with the older family members

**Short term benefit: One of life’s challenges at some age is to pass over experiences and insights from experiences to younger generations. It helps the older family members to fulfil their need for generativity.

**Long term benefit: More fulfilled perception of own life story by family members

3) Get environment in shape: Finish things at home, which brings direct return on well-being (eg. flowers on your balcony or a dedicated “work corner” for homeoffice times)

**Short term benefit: Get engaged in beautifying your house

**Long term benefit: Do feel more comfortable when staying at home

3.4.4. Develop a higher hygiene level by gamifying the behaviors

How to approach the challenge in 3 steps

1) Playful outside time: As soon as you step outside your house, dont touch you face. You can turn it into games with kids very easily.

**Short term benefit: The most important behavior in countering corona virus.

**Long term benefit: Well, it should help you in the future to not get infected with other similar ilnesses

2) Social norms: Start using your elbow to cover when sneezing and coughing. You might turn it into dance moves.

**Short term benefit: Stop spreading viruses around and risking health of others

**Long term benefit: Well, it should help in not getting such ilnesses getting spread all around

3) Washing habits: Start washing your hands more intensly. Expand it to other areas of your body.

**Short term benefit: The most important behavior in countering corona virus.

**Long term benefit: Well, it should help you in the future to not get infected with other similar ilnesses

A simple way to trick your mind into getting started:

Think of areas of your life, which are important to you: Family? Friends? Social Life? Partying? Work? Development? Your dog? Your cat? Your children? Your hobbies?

Write things down. At least mentally. Formulate them as challenges for yourself.

In best case formulate them in a very specific way:

“I want to learn 20 new recepies until quarantine is over”

“i want to help my grandmother to survive the quarantine without leaving the house

In best case, try to involve new people, either known or unknown and distribute tasks. Solve them together. Try to gamify things. Try to digitalize the many possible behaviors, which are important to you (eg. playing, training, meditating, reading, speaking to family and friends, spending big family rounds etc)

In best case, try to put emphasis on being thankful for what is still available.

In best case at some point in the future, you will look at the corona crisis and recognize a time which increased well-being for you and people around you.

I have begun being interested in the coaching profession about 6 years ago. Now, 6 years later, coaching is thriving and is criticized from various perspectives:

By clients, because the expected outcomes are not met, or maybe the expectations are not properly set?

By competitors, because standards are not met or maybe standards are unknown?

By scientists, because there is no adequate theoretical and empirical underlying or maybe the coaching educational process does not meet highest standards?

By opponents, because coaching appears to be some dark magic or maybe it is unclear how pure coaching conduct really should look like?

There may be many reasons to confront the coaching market critically from various perspectives. When i started my journey six years ago the market was growing, but not as out of control as today.

In 2016 the Internation Coaching Federation (ICF) noted 53.300 coaches, being the result of o 12% growth over a 4 year period. The market value back in 2016 was estimated globally to be 2,4, billion. This value was evaluated worldwide. A follow-up study is supposed to be conducted in 2019 and published by 2020.

In 2019 the coaching branch was estimated to have a value of 15billion within the US solely.

Supply is inreasing at a very high pace. This is not only due to the fact, that Coaching is “hip”. It is als becoming more popular on demand-site, too.

Demand is increasing in a very natural way. As the US declaration of independence calls it, most of our time, people in developed countries are able to focus on “pursuit of happiness”, instead of working on satisfying basic physical needs.

This means, that we as people have more time to think about our goals as well as our problems. If we have the time to think about them, out of definition, we will find more goals to pursue as well as issues to fix. The demand for assistance will increase, per definition. Coaching in such a framework is therefore one way of assistance.

If demand is increasing, supply has to cope with such a development. In order to have the market cope with such a development, people will enter the market, who might or might not meet the requirements from a qualification perspective.

Assuming, that people will enter the market, who are not meeting requirements, expected outcomes might not be met, too.

1. Open questions from diverse directions concerning the coaching practice
2. Supply in coaching market is increasing
3. Demand for assistance in facing major life questions is increasing, especially in developed countries

Don’t get me wrong: i don’t judge whether it is good, that the coaching market is increasing, nor do i judge any people entering the coaching market. I don’t judge people criticizing the coaching market as a whole, neither. Furthermore i do understand critique caused by negative experiences, unclear upfront expectations, uncertainties concerning the meaning of coaching or the methods in use.

As i have faced such critiques during the last 6 years, i wanted to take a closer look at what is actually criticized in detail.

First, because i want to help people to understand coaching in itself and become more open to it.

Second, it will help me to adjust to issues of my future clients. It will help me to develop strenghts in areas necessary to present a proper coaching conduct.

How did i approach the topic?

I have searched for the phrase “Coaching critique”, “Krytyka Coachingu” and “Coaching Kritik” in three languages in google and checked Top20 pages qualitatively. Qualitatively means, that i have red all pages and written down main questions, issues and areas of critique from each page.

So let’s take a look at what the questions and issues with coaching actuallyare?

In order to have all the questions and critical suggestions categorized i tried to formulate parent categories. All questions were then assigned the parent categories.

Some examples:

The critique, that Motivation and Happiness can’t be programmed was categorized into “Why should i get a coach?”.

The critique, that there are many people, who call themselves a coach and claim to practice coaching, was appointed to “The coaching market”.

All categories were then assigned to meta categories within two streams.

One stream being “From a client perspective”, with meta categories such as “Coaching market” or “How do i get a Coach”.

The other stream is “From a coach perspective”, with meta categories such as “How to become a coach” or “How to make a living”.

Please find below a visualization with an overview of all the relevant categorization.

3.1.1. Unclear, what a coach is?

What the critique is exactly:

“The problem is that the label is not protected” (Link)

“There is a large degree of diversity within people, who claim to practise coaching as well as in the fields in which coaching interventions are delivered” (Link)

“[…] the term ‘coach’ means nothing at all. It is only a borrowed word that was supposed to soften the sound and connotations of the words ‘therapist’ or ‘psychologist’, that are negatively perceived” (Link)

How it really is [TRUE]:

a) This is absolutely true. The market is developing and has not reached its maturity, yet. This leads to the market being not homogeneous not only in its definition, but in its methods and outcomes, too.

b) Coaching in many cases is used as a byword, eg. “Marketing Coach”, “Speaking Coach”, “Sports Coach” or “Motivational Coach”. Such bywords suggest, that the specific coach is able to increase specific outcomes in specific fields. The emphasis here is not on the coaching approach as a whole, but on the specific content of desired improvement.

c) In long term the coaching approach should be protected or centrally defined, compared to psychotherapist, psychologist or similar approaches. There is a precise definition of the coaching approach either on my own website or on the website of the international coaching federation.

Some quotes to underline the essence of coaching:

“The coach does not advise, he does not mediate and he does not teach anything. The coach does not replace a medical diagnosis and only works with healthy clients. Ideas from esotericism or Scientology are expressly not part of coaching.” (Link)

“Frequently popular motivational speakers refer to this term. […] do not mention motivational speakers, because this is not a form of help” (Link)

“It is calm reflection, stopping, thinking about what I can and what is beyond my capabilities […] Coaching is a great tool for self-development; it does not educate, but helps to realize its potential and challenges. Coaching does not bring any new knowledge, it only stimulates and supports development processes” (Link)

My way:

Though i have not undergone the oficial certification of the ICF yet, my conduct is based on the oficial definition of the ICF. For this i have undergone a one year postgraduate program in coaching.

3.1.2. Coaches should be mature personalities

What the critique is exactly:

“Many coaches are immature. You are insecure and still in the midst of your own personal development.”

How it really is [FALSE]:

a) Coaching in itself puts emphasis on the framework or/and the process. The process and the framework are supposed to be very pure. Pure in this case means, that the process is not biased by any external influences, but only by the requirements of the coachee. External influences can be a coaches preexisting knowledge or belief systems, emotional states, cognitive and behavioral processes. In regard of the pure coaching process, one can call such influences limitations.

b) There are two ways to gain such a transparency on own “limitations”:

The one way is to gain the necessary experience. The other is to educate oneself.

In best case a coach has both on a high level, as he or she will then know, how to exclude own beliefs from the coaching process. Does this mean, that experience and maturity should always be on a high level?

No (!), of course not. A coach can work on a high level, without having the proper maturity level. This is possible, as coaching in its purest form consists of a process and a framework, which should ensure neutrality and lack of external influences. On the other hand, mentors rely on their experience and maturity level, as their service is based in their past experiences.

3.1.3. Coaches should not work within (dangerous) predefined belief-systems

What the critique is exactly:

“Many coachings are based on value systems that contain esoteric, anti-democratic, social Darwinist, non-violent or historical revision elements.” (Link)

“In Coaching and NLP […] the personality of a person is shaped by arbitrarily changeable thinking patterns.” (Link)

“Its basis is the supposed programmability of optimism and the feasibility of happiness. So it cannot be overlooked that PP originated in a calvinist and capitalist society.” (Link)

“It is claimed, for a reason unknown to us, that the current state of the client is not so important.[…] In systemic coaching, the client’s goals are in focus at the beginning of the collaboration, without knowing exactly what the client’s disorder actually consists of” (Link)

How it really is [TRUE]:

a) If coaching was as described above, it should be rejected as a psychological form of assistance within the developmental process. Therefore one criteria for choosing proper coaches is the non-existence of predefined belief systems.

b) Coaching in itself, as described, similar to psychology or science itself should be fundamentally neutral. Coaching should always aim at exluding external influences, especially influences, which concentrate on certain belief systems.

My way:

My ideal coaching conduct means, that there is not “the one way to go” with a client. What i deliver is a procesual framework, which is adapting to requirements of the coachee. In my practice, i don’t try to shape any belief systems. I don’t have a particular goal, when working with clients. The only goal is to enable the clients to pursue his or her goal, if there is one.

3.2.1. There is a high number of coaches available

What the critique is exactly:

“Many coaches, but scientifically unfounded education” (Link)

How it really is [TRUE]

The assumption here is true in general, with the following limitations:

a) As long as coaching in itself is unregulated, there will be people calling themselves coaches, who enter the market trying to get a bite of the cake.

b) As described above coaching is frequently used as a byword. Furthermore there is a distinction to consultants, mentors, trainers and similar service providers (as defined on my website already).

My way:

When i have started my journey with coaching, i have already been working 5 years in consulting. Today 6 years later, i have the experience of 11 year in consulting within data driven business projects. Within these last 6 years, i have conducted a one year postgradual coaching program (the program was not accredited by the ICF, though) as well as studied psychology as a 5 year master’s program, in order to build the necessary foundation for assisting human beings in their developmental progress.

3.2.2. There are no or too many professional associations

What the critique is exactly:

“There is not a professional association, but 20” (Link)

How it really is [UNCLEAR]

In general it is unclear or not properly communicated due to a market not being fully mature, yet. The following limitations apply:

a) Internationally and in english speaking countries there is the internation coaching federation (ICF).

In Germany there is additionally the Deutsche Gesellschaft für Coaching (DGFC) or the Deutsche Coaching Gesellschaft (DCG).

In Poland there is the Polskie Stowarzyszenie Coachingu i Rozwoju (PSCIR).

Furthermore some independet or dependent societies have tried to provide an overview for internationally valid know how – a catalogue with criteria was created by the german association Stiftung Warentest.

b) There are accepted associations, which work with clearly defined rules and definitions. The ICF should be pointed out as the gold standard. It does not mean, that there aren’t many many more associations, which claim to be the gold standard.

My way:

This is similar to the standards and the development in sports. New sports are created or evolve from older ones. Such sports are then accepted and are sometimes becoming popular. Then first associations arise. The highest honors is to become an olympic sport, though. To become an olympic sport, the market for this specific sport has to gain maturity over time, define generally accepted rules and have an association regulate it.

Compared to it, the highest honor in human developmental services would be university programs or at least to have accredited subjects on universities.

I have undergone a coaching postgraduate program as well as a 5 year masters degree in psychology additionaly to a 5 year business administration masters degree. Furthermore i have 11 years in experience in consulting business clients in the field of data driven business. In the near future, I will complete an ICF certified program, too.

3.3.1. The selection process: Unclear how to decide on a proper coach?

What the critique is exactly:

“Today, anyone can be a coach, all you have to do is: You have to order a sign with the word “Coach” and you can accept customers. Preliminary research conducted […] shows, that individual clients do not ask coaches for qualifications, completed courses or completed post-graduate studies.” (Link)

How it really is [FALSE]:

a) Many HR managers now have a good overview of the coaching market and mostly work with a fixed pool of trainers. On the other hand there is a big pool of choices being made based on recommendation. This would be one source of truth. Ask either your own experience, experienced individuals or coaches, who are already active and whom you trust.

b) The qualification is one great indicator. Always a plus is some kind of psychological education in addition to the specific, in best case certified, coaching eduation.

c) Take a look at the experience of the coach. In best case there is somewhere the information about the hours worked with clients. In many psychological occupations, such as coaching defined by the ICF or psychotherapy a mandatory requirement is the amount of hours worked with clients under specific conditions.

d) Take a deeper look at the conduct of a coach. This is possible via a first, in general free get-to-know session. A good coach knows how to use different conversation techniques to suit the situation. Sentences like “If you want to make a career, you have to …” are inappropriate in pure coaching practice.

My way:

As i have defined the rules above, i am aiming at fullfilling all rules to my highest possible degree.

3.3.2. Unclear how to evaluate a coach?

What the critique is exactly:

“Equally important, companies should hire independent mental health professionals to review coaching outcomes.” (Link)

“Failure To Consistently And Comprehensively Calculate Coaching Value (Adequate measures of coaching value are needed and can be borrowed from Kirkpatrick’s seminal training evaluation model” (Link)

How it really is [TRUE]:

As mentioned above, Kirckpatrick has developed a training evaluation model which might be applied to rate coaching conduct:

* Level 1 – Reaction: The degree to which clients are satisfied with coaching engagements

* Level 2 – Learning: The degree to which clients indirectly acquire the intended knowledge, skills and attributes through coaching engagements

* Level 3 – Behavior: The degree to which clients develop their behavior(s) as a result of coaching engagements

* Level 4 – Results: The degree to which client organizations benefit from coaching engagements

My way:

A coach should always be aware of his or her limitations. Coaches should therefore be under supervision:

* by themselves: When developing their coaching business, self consciousness and reflection should be part of general conduct

* by professional supervisors: which is especially recommended in “people’s business”

* by corporate actors: when developing corporate systems.

3.4.1. Life consulting is unnecessary

What the critique is exactly:

“Experience and education are sufficient to set stimuli and replace goals” (Link)

“We are hungry for success. Society is impoverished not only financially but also culturally and intellectually. We want to break out, and coache are simply extremely talented salespeople and speakers who can convince people that they are able to change their lives.” (Link)

“False belief: You can do anything, just want” (Link)

How it really is [FALSE]:

a) Often we lose ourselves in daily life and forget to act in a long-term and targeted manner. This happens, despite the fact that we (un)consciously already know how to act. Sometimes coaches are just there to assist in increasing awareness.

At the end, it is on the individual to decide, whether he or she does feel the necessity to interact with a coach. A well known reason is the discrepancy between the idealistic me and the actual me, which leads to a breakdown of the currently established belief system.

b) School systems teach knowledge, but not necessarily the correct handling of influencing factors in our life (such as understanding and interpretation of emotion, behavior, social behavior, cognitive interpretation etc.)

c) Often experience, similar to knowledge, is not enough, until it is brought to life. This means, that sometimes we need to enact knowledge or experience to create worth out of it. Sometimes a coach might be the one to assist in triggering the process from cognitive acknowledgment to behavioral acting.

d) There are many studies, which show that goal orientation assisted by a coach help in more effective goal achievement in long-run.

My way:

a) From my perspective knowing something is not enough, if one is not able to enact it properly

b) I have observed and experienced exactly such scenarios, as i often hear such phrases as “i already know that” or “i have tried everything imaginable” or “this is impossible in my situation right now”, followed immediatly by signs of dissatisfaction over the situation. These are common defense mechanisms, when confronting ourselves with something, we don’t want to accept, that we are often not living up to our potential.

3.4.2. Is ongoing optimization really necessary?

What the critique is exactly:

“But something is wrong if in a society authenticity and individuality are valued and at the same time there is pressure to optimize.” (Link)

How it really is [FALSE]:

a) As long as it is not extreme in the long-term, optimization in common sense, can be viewed as adaptive behavior. On the other hand, long-term, blind optimization might lead to burn-out-similar stages. It is very important to understand this distinction and work with it. Optimization, even if it is ongoing, can’t be judged as negative.

b) It is difficult to understand how well-planned, individually adjusted, long-term optimization as one of many approaches to life, can be seen as something bad. From an intellectual standpoint, we have to acknowledge, that life is moving forward.

Thinking otherwise is intellectually dishonest. Circumstances are moving and changing. It means, that at some point, we will have to adjust to changing or developing circumstances. Staying the same or doing nothing might lead to nihilism.

My way:

For myself, ongoing optimization means to pursue what is important for me. This might be work success, family life, my favorite daily meal, just talking to my dog, love or long-term happiness. Long-term, well adjusted, conscious optimization helped me to not let go at any point. If this is what my clients pursue, my goal is to assist and assist only.

3.4.3. Reasons for coaching unclear?

What the critique is exactly:

There is no actual critique on this point. I just want to point out a few general reasons to approach a coach. Input for this part was taken from three sources: Own experience, as well as Source1 & Sourc2.

How it really is [FALSE]:

* Develop a plan for your professional future

* Improve motivation

* Build better relationsships and social capital at work and in private life

* Understand life changing moments more properly

* Understand behavioral and cognitive patterns

* Improve daily routines

* Improve negotiation techniques

* Better coping with stress and improved conflict solving

* Improve intellectual and physical fitness

* Improve well-being and happiness (however it is defined)

* Set proper goals and priorities and prepare for unknown situations

* Improve work-life balance

* Improve self-confidence, self-consciousness, self-reflection and self-efficiacy

* Recognize potentials, improve strenghts and solve weaknesses

* Improve creativity and flow frequency

* Improve financial state

* Improve leadership skills

* Trigger change-processes

My way:

The points above are just some practical examples of topics, which clients can decide to work on. At the end it depends completely on the requirements of the client. The coach provides the necessary process and/or framework.

3.5.1. Outcome limitations unclarified by professionals?

What the critique is exactly:

“There is no evidence for any outcomes when participating in coaching”

“It is ideology. […] Building a sense of omnipotence in clients, explaining that man has no limitations, only motivation is needed” (Link)

How it really is [FALSE]:

a) There is an overview page concerning scientifically analyzed outcomes of coaching on my website.

b) There is an additional meta-analysis on the outcomes of coaching in organizational context. The meta-analysis suggests, that coaching has significant effects on performance/skills, well-being, coping, work attitudes, and goal-directed self-regulation on individual level.

c) Coaching should always be clear about its own limitations. However, the coach can only assist in waking up existing talents by yourself, give impulses and work towards improvements in practice.

Coaching can’t evolve a high achiever or a party socializer out of an introvert. Coaching is not able to deliver the relevant content, knowledge or experience necessary to become an expert in any field, though it is suggested by many XYZ Coaches, that they can.

d) Coaching can’t replace the necessary work of a psychotherapist, psychiatrist, psychologist or equal practitioners. Trauma, anxiety, depression, addiction should never ever be treated by a coach without the neccesary education and practical training.

Coaching grounds its approaches in emotional, behavioral, cognitive and positive psychology as well as the humantistic approach of Carl Rogers. Such frameworks do enable coaching to be effective, but put big restraints at more comprehensive human issues.

Some quotes to underly the essence of coaching:

“My goal […] is to heighten awareness of the difference between a “problem executive” who can be trained to function effectively and an “executive with a problem” who can best be helped by psychotherapy.” (Link)

My way:

I am completely on board with points a) to d) from above. As a coach, sometimes i will touch issues, which are out of my coaching scope. I have completed my psychology masters degree additonally to my business administration degree. I was aware at the beginning of my journey, that at some point i will be confronted with issues, that coaching frameworks will not be able to solve or even tend to produce harm. As a professional coach, you have always to be aware of such limitations.

When working with me, my clients will not get any promise on outcomes. What my client are receiving, is the assurance to be confronted with somebody who has put the highest effort in his education, tries to apply the highest standards to the process implemented as well as having somebody with a high degree of experience in peoples business.

3.5.2. Is there a risk of negative outcomes?

What the critique is exactly:

“Executive coaches who lack rigorous psychological training do more harm than good” (Link)

“Ambitious goals often turn out to be unrealistic. Then comes disappointment and development is associated with experiencing negative emotions, dissatisfaction with yourself. People who are open to new experiences, ready to test themselves in various situations, and extroverts and perfectionists most often fall into this trap.” (Link)

How it really is [TRUE]:

Of course, this risk is obvious, with some limitations. From my perspective it is even one of the most important critiques.

a) When planning to enter the coaching market as a coach, one has to ask him- or herself, what the service will look like. Are you going to work on specific fields, providing knowledge or a way to move on a topic, then it might be more sensful to call yourself a trainer, consultant or mentor. Coaching in a pure form in general works with a specific (psychologically influenced) set of processual and methodological structure.

b) As soon as you will be working with people on belief systems, life structures, behavioral patterns etc. you will out of definition touch psychological spheres. This fact makes it very important to be adequately prepared, theoretically as well as practically.

My way:

This is why i have been educating myself for 6 years right now in coaching and psychology. Such practices as NLP, hyponosis or systemic coaching are a good beginning to introduce somebody to concepts like self-reflection, but do have big limitations. Professionals using such methodology, should only stay in their area of conduct and not step outside of it, unless they are properly trained.

The same applies to coaches, trainers or mentors. At the end i am not the expert to judge NLP, hypnosis or systemic coaching approaches, as i have not been a practicioner in those areas. What i can do though, is to put emphasis on proper preparation, in order to not have an negative influence on a clients well-being.

3.5.3. Loss of personal variance?

What the critique is exactly:

“Personality variance is lost, Authenticity is important – narrow gauge personalities” (Link)

How it really is [FALSE]:

a) Based on the definition of coaching, being a kind of framework for optimization or more general “moving forward” / avoiding nihilism. coaching does not try to push individuals into “the right” direction. It is not related to any content, mindset or worldview. It does not try to build specific skills, foster hedonism  or eudamonism.

b) Coaching therefore by definition can’t produce narrow personalities, as it would require certain world views to influence the coaching process.

c) Personalitie with their life’s content decide on what to work on and which content to “move forward”, individually. Now “moving forward” as a general approach to life might be critized here. Nihilism would be the alternative and it seems, that it is an even worse approach to life. I’ll leave the argument against nihilism out at this point, as it would take another full article.

My way:

From my perspective as a coach, i am trying not to focus on “coaching” as a methodology coming from gurus. I do not guide. I enhance and emphasize in my practice on both main methods “asking question” and “proactive listening”. This helps in being directed as much as possible by the clients needs.

Being able to work with certain methods was not enough in my understanding as a coach. Therefore i have decided to finish a masters degree in psychology in order to have all the necessary theoretical and methodlogical underlying.

With such underlying i am able to move within the coaching framework, while knowing when to step back from coaching and enter other fields of human assistance. When i do so, i always have to be transparent about it and inform my clients or forward them to specialist colleagues.

From my perspective as a coachee, i remember how coaching gave me the strengh to work on myself and not accept a low-level and unhappy life (however it was defined for me). I was already kind of succesful, but have never lived to my full potential. The important thing is: no coach has ever tried to push me in any direction (and this is a compliment for the people i have met on my journey).

3.6.1. Do coaches have an unfounded education?

What the critique is exactly:

“The confusion of teaching content and methods does not make things easier” (Link)

“Transparent and serious training standards” (Link)

“unfounded edcution” (Link)

How it really is [FALSE]:

a) It is not about the methods and content of an education, as both might vary depending on the school. It is about the fit within a theoretical framework with empirical evidence as the underlying fundament.

b) From a meta perspective, respective associations will play a crucial role in establishing an accepted ground [See answers to point 3.2.2. above].

c) In Coaching, as proactive listening and asking questions are the most important pillars. Both are enabling a self-directed individual development of the coachee as the highest goal.

The theoretical foundation is cognitive psychology, emotional psychology, behavioral psychology and especially the ideas of Carl Rogers. On the empirical end, there have been conducted some studies concerning the outcomes to be expected from coaching.

d) Furthermore some independet and dependent societies have tried to provide an overview for internationally valid know how – a catalogue with criteria was created by the german association Stiftung Warentest. Some of criteria, which should be met and are of highest importance are listed below:

* Basic understanding of developmental psychology

* Basic understanding of personality in psychology

* Basic understanding of systems and transactional psychology

* Basic understanding of psychology of emotions

* Basic understanding of differences between coaching and psychology, psychotherapy etc.

* Basic understanding of change processes

* Basic understanding of diagnostics in psychology

* Basic understanding of stress coping mechanisms

* Basic understanding of the theory of leadership

e) Furthermore the coaching market should make clear, to communicate what a coach is and what to expect or what not to expect. In best case the market communicates the status quo of empirical research.

f) When somebody who is promising a predefined outcome or is telling that he or she knows whats best in a given field (for example in motivation or for example at work), then this can’t be coaching in its pure form. It might be training or conuslting, but not coaching.

Some quotes to underly the essence of coaching:

“It is true that coaching is not an academic subject – that was not psychology until 150 years ago. It is considered further training, which usually follows an already existing academic degree. Coaching training lasts an average of 200 hours, includes theoretical and practical units, costs around 5,000 euros and must be continuously renewed through further training. The trade inspectorate, chambers of industry and commerce, and consumer protection associations have clearly defined who, under what conditions, may call themselves a coach and work as such.” (Link)

“They bring influences as far apart as the GROW-model, solution-focused brief therapy, positive psychology and person-centred counselling (De Haan & Burger, 2005).” (Link)

My way:

From my perspective, there are diverse ways to becoming a coach – but to provide you an idea – a general approach might be:

* Get yourself a coach and go through the process by yourself

* Finish a degree in humanistic studies (especially psychology should be mentioned)

* Find yourself a supervising coach, when starting practice

* Complete further studies within a certified coaching program (especially the ICF programs should be mentioned)

* Gain first experience within peoples business

3.6.2. Coaches have a lack of specialization?

What the critique is exactly:

“Good coaches, on the other hand, mostly specialize in certain industries, areas and topics” (Link)

How it really is [FALSE]:

a) This is a false belief. A good coach is not somebody, who is specialized in certain industries.

A succesful coach or a coach visible from marketing perspective will probably be specialized in certain industries.

A good coach will have the appropriate education and theoretical as well as practical underlying for his conduct. He or she will be able to conduct coaching on the highest possible level.

b) As already desribed a few times within this article, coaching in its approach is independent from any industry. In order to exist in the market, coaches will probably have to communicate specialzation to markets, though. The argument here is, that similarity drives acceptance.

My way:

From my perspective as a coach, the entrance into the coaching market was obviously far more easy, when communicating, that i specialize in digital business. As i am a digital native, dealing with people who are digital natives or are confronted with digitalization, is what i do since the beginning of my professional life.

The degree of upfront acceptance made it easier, to start working in the field. My specialization was unimportant for me, when actually working with clients, as it makes no difference whether i am the assistance to a digital native or a traditional industrial worker. The human processes stay exactly the same.

3.7.1. Coaches only focus on short-term gain!

What the critique is exactly:

“Coaching may lead to a short-term euphoria, but sustainability is rather not achieved.” (Link)

“Businesspeople in general—and American ones in particular—constantly look for new ways to change as quickly and painlessly as possible.” (Link)

How it really is [Unclear]:

a) This might be true and false, indeed. Given the assumption, that many so called coaches do not have the proper understanding, of what coaching in its pure form actucally means.

b) Coaching and especially the coaching relationship should be created as a long term relationsship. This implies, that the potential effects are not triggered to be short-term.

Short term effects are a very important feedback from the environment, though. How would a human being know, whether he or she is moving in the right direction? Coaching in itself should not exlude short term or long term benefits.

c) Furthermore it depends on individual requirements. Working in coaching, especially working with such models as GROW, should processually guarantee to cover the needs of a client.

d) There should always be some kind of expectation management including a coaching contract at the beginning. This includes the willingness to work on the coachees relevant topics from both sides and should be the fundament of a coaching relationship. If the coachee is looking at short term improvement, he or she should communicate it.

My way:

I want to quote something i found on the harvard business review:

“Success is defined in 12 simple steps or seven effective habits. In this environment of quick fixes, psychotherapy has become marginalized. And executive coaches have stepped in to fill the gap, offering a kind of instant alternative” (Link)

3.8.1. Coaches don’t make sufficient income?

What the critique is exactly:

“According to the current study, more than half of the 452 coaches surveyed generated a maximum of a quarter of their annual income with it” (Link)

“Most also work as consultants and trainers. No wonder that more and more of them are offering coaching trainings themselves. After all, it is much more lucrative to collect € 4,000 course fees from 20 participants than to laboriously acquire coaching clients.” (Link)

“The fact that the problem of lack of demand is real can also be seen in the boom in networking platforms that claim to give coaches full order books” (Link)

How it really is [TRUE]:

a) This seems to be true to a certain degree. Often companies and inidividuals are not able to implement by themselves, what they are preaching. As an example: I have worked for clients as a consultant for data driven businesses. In no way the companies which employed me, implemented into their own digital touchpoints, processes and developmental approaches solutions, which they were teaching

b) Some missing parts from a coaching practitioners perspective are

* Opaque methodology, theory and objectives

* No clear supply, product definition and USP communicated to the market;

* No clear definition of target groups;

* No clear processual approach to coaching

You will, in most cases not become a successful soccer player by just calling yourself that way. You will in most cases not be able to live from coaching, if you only think you are a coach or have a sign at your door. At the end you will have to deal with the well-known iceberg metaphor, which means that expertise and mastery in coaching will require hard work.

My way:

From my perspective, i do not earn the respective income right now with my coaching services. But my coaching project is planned to be a “longterm growth project”, which should be providing active as well as passive income over time, based on fundamentally stable ground: my education.

Furthermore, my products should grow based on the potential added value for my clients, which i am able to produce . In order to produce added value i need a thoughtfully developed and planned product. This is what i am investing into right now.

* Market increasing rapidly
* People entering market with diverse services
* People in developed countries with increased demand for developmental assistance

1. General – What is a coach

_{Unclear, what a coach is?
[TRUE] Coaching is used as a byword and not centrally, scientifically defined, yet.
Coaches should be mature personalities
[FALSE] Maturity is helpful in general, but is not a mandatory requirement. A proper preparation is.
Coaches should not work within (dangerous) predefined belief-systems
[TRUE] Pure coaching per definition should work within a neutral, processual approach without external influences.}

2. Client perspective – The coaching market

_{There is a high number of coaches available
[TRUE] This is due to lack of regulation and central commitment on how coaching works
There are no or too many professional associations
[UNCLEAR] There is no official association communicated, but there are some internationally accepted, like the ICF.}

3. Client perspective – How to get a coach myself?

_{Unclear how to decide on a proper coach?
[FALSE] Recommendations, qualification, experience and the conduct of a coach are proper decisionmarks – Check coach-in-business.com
Unclear how to evaluate a coach?
[TRUE] There is no framework for evaluation, but indications based on client satisfaction, outcome achievement degrees, behavioral development degrees and organizational added values – Check coach-in-business.com}

4. Client perspective – Why to get a coach myself?

_{Life consulting is unnecessary
[FALSE] Though people naturally know what to do, sometimes knowledge and experience is not enough until consciously enacted
Ongoing optimization is unnecessary?
[FALSE] As long as it is long-term, conscious, self-reflective, indidividually adapted optimization, it should be beneficial.
Reasons for coaching unclear?
[FALSE] Many professionals and sites have written down a variety of possible reasons to get a coach – Check coach-in-business.com}

5. Client perspective – What to expect from coaching?

_{Outcome limitations unclarified by professionals?
[FALSE] There is plenty of empirical research on outcomes of coaching, which might not be communicated correctly by professionals – Check coach-in-business.com
Is there a risk of negative outcomes?
[TRUE] If not properly conducted, coaching as any psychological approach might lead to negative outcomes.
Loss of personal variance?
[FALSE] Coaching in itself should never put own belief-systems on the coachee, but assist within a individual procesual approach}

6. Coach perspective – How to become a coach?

_{Do coaches have a unfounded education?
[FALSE] If confronted with a proper coach, there are certified programs which put emphasis on the proper psychological underlying of the education – Check coach-in-business.com
Coaches have a lack of specialization?
[FALSE] The exact opposite, as coaching is a neutral approach, appicable to all areas of life and specialization being a marketing approach to market services – Check coach-in-business.com}

7. Coach perspective – how to behave as a coach?

_{Coaches only focus on short term gain?
[Unclear] Short-term gain, as feedback from environment, as well as long-term improvement should both be part of coaching outcomes depending on individual needs of the coachee}

8. Coach perspective – how to make a living as a coach?

_{Coaches don’t have sufficient income?
[TRUE] When entering the market, coaches are often unclear about methodology, theory and objectives as well as service description, USPs, target groups communicated to markets}

This time i want to write a few words about positive experiences and their impact on happiness…in the long-term. Most people know, that the perceived (subjective) feeling of happiness triggered by a positive event declines over time. I assume, that you are not smiling every day because of your holidays, which took place half a year ago.  If your chef awarded you a raise at work due to outstanding achievements, the smile on your face will probably last some days, only.

There is a mechanism called “capitalization” in order to keep up happiness after positive events.

Our brains are not or not completely able to distinguish between reality and fiction. In the following i assume, that thinking allows us to imagine any given (fictional) situation.
It might be a future success event, like a win in sports or an event which occured in the past. For example an event, which raised the positive subjective feeling of happiness, like a vacation, you have always dreamt of.

It leads to the first conclusion, that thinking of a (past) event might lead to the same (positive) reaction as really experiencing the event.

How does it work? It is all about the power of imagination.

So, does it mean, that we should do “flash-backs” every day by our own? In kind of  meditation state? No, of course not.
The good thing is, you don’t need to do it by your own. Talking is one way, to get into the thinking process. Though there are differences between cultures, talking is at least closely related to thinking (and sometimes vice versa)

* Our brain is not (completely) capable of distinguishing between reality and fiction. Thinking of an event might lead to similar perceived emotional reactions as the experience of an event
* Talking is strongly related to thinking

So what can we do about the decreasing subjective happiness after a positive event?

Researchers Gable et al. have found out, that sharing good news on positive events with another person is one of the most important processes for maintaining perceived happiness. They call this process “capitalization”.

3.1.1. Capitalizing on positive events

Capitalizing on positive events means telling others about positive events, for example. Telling others about positive events leads to higher positive affect and greater life satisfaction (p. 241).

Based on the assumption, that our brain is not able to distinguish between reality and fiction, it leads to the idea, that telling others about positive events is a re-experience of the event itself. It is highly probable, that talking about positive events is like a mediating factor, which leads to increased memory of the positive event in the long run.Happiness increases.

3.1.2. Side effect: Social capital

A positive thing attached to capitalizing on positive events is, that it may lead to a better perceived social capital. Long story short: others think that you are more attractive and have greater intention to get in contact and/or establish a relationship with you.

In the long-run, well-being of this relationship i highly probable to increase (S.241). Happiness increases, too.

3.2.1. Active & constructive response

Gable et al. point out, that the reaction/response of the listener is of highest importance, too. They classified possible responses into 4 categories. On the positive end of the scale one can find active and constructive responses. The negative end of the scale describes passive and destructive responses. The direct response has immediate effect on well-being on inter and intrapersonal level.

Passive and destructive responses might undermine the development of further well-being based on the positive event in question. The listener might show, that he or she does not value the event in question or the story-teller or that he or she is jealous, for example.

Active and constructive feedback on the other hand leads to the feeling of being understood and appreciated, which helps in building well-being and a good relationship

How to build active and constructive feedback is described on this page.

3.2.2. Side-effect: Conditioning

There is a positive thing attached within this dimension, too. From a behavioral point of view, giving active and positive responses is also a kind of reward. Immediate rewarding helps in strenghening desired behaviors (in behavioral psychologythis process is standard-knowledge and psychologists call it “Operant conditioning“).

What does this mean? Simply speaking: Imagine being a child back in the days: if you clean-up your room and proudly tell your parents about it, positive feedback and a possible reward has led to a higher chance of repeating the clean-up behaviour.

One might call it “learning new and desired habits”. This is actually the process how dogs learn new things. Therefore active and constructive feedback not only leads to a better outcome for the story-teller and the relationship, but also helps enabling the story-teller to open up and be more confident about positive events in the future.

At work, one should create time and space, which enables colleagues to share positive experiences, as to what extent they have achieved predefined goals, for example. It might strenghen customer satisfaction, creation of new solutions etc. It should be an environment, where everybody is open to say everything. An environment, where others offer instant active and constructive feedback.

One might say, that not everybody is willing to open up or speak positively about yourself. This is why it is less important to encourage or even force people directly to open up about positive experiences. It is more important to create an environment, where people encourage telling about positive events and whoever is willing to speak is free to speak.

As we as humans tend to increase our own positive perception, providing active and constructive feedback, shows “shy” individuals, that opening up is rewarded. Strengthening one’s position and strengthening one’s perceived standing within a defined group.

Idea: Create a TGIF (=Thank God it’s friday) meeting at the end of the last day of the week. Ask for low- and highlights. Let the attendees decide if they want to open up.

In private context, in particular in traditional western family context, one might not have such a big group of grown-ups at the table of “story-telling”. Still it is also important, to create the described environment. Even when it is a 1-on-1 situation.

Of course, one might say, that the group (eg. family) is already talking about daily events. But in everyday life, some obvious things are forgotten. One of the obvious things, which might be forgotten, is constructive and active feedback. Hapiness can be pursued proactively in a family context, too.

I do have the habit to dive into a good book or an interesting lecture on Youtube, which leads to disrupted ability to listen actively to my partner. When talking while preparing for work, we don’t show the necessary concentration to be active and constructive. The concentration might be disturbed. Sometimes one might be held in his thoughts or his mobile phone.

This is why it is of highest importance, to create the environment (time & space), where opening up and providing feedback is on top of the consciousness list.

Big data or data driven enterprises are one of the most discussed topics in the business world today. You have to add, that the topics are discussed controversially. As companies own data of thousands, millions of users, they have the power to build business models around data. Data ownership increases the companies performance, data ownership creates advantages. So the assumption here is: “the more data a company owns, the more powerful the company would get”. Of course, data in itself does not define a powerful company. “Is data actionable?” is one of the important questions for companies. The assumption exists, that data increases performance or even defines business models. If data has such an impact on companies, isn’t it logical to evaluate whether data has the same impact on individuals (sneak preview: the topic is called “self quantification”)? Of course, the answer is: Yes! Let’s start with some argumentation and important assumptions on the self quantification topic. Why data is available and why it should be used for private purpose.

Remaining question like “How to get data from company A”, “how to make data readable and actionable” and “what are the questions to be answered with the help of data” will be described in the article, too.

Within the EU & the GDPR, every data subject (=the user) has the right to access data saved by a company. There are many other sources, which have already described the impact the law has. In general, the law obliges companies to provide possibilities to access such data. This led to companies creating services or pages, where users have the possibility to access own data. You just need to know where to look for it on specific pages.

Our decisions as humans are not always best for ourselves, not saying best for our environment. Just think of the mathematical exercise: “132 * 18 + 23”. Some people will be able to solve it in a few seconds. Some people will need up to one minute to solve it. Some people will need a pen and a paper in order to solve it. The task is preety one dimensional and simple. It’s math.

Now think of multidimensional questions concerning our own life? Exactly, it seems unlogical to come to fast conclusions. If we make mistakes solving one dimensional math execises, how can we be sure at such a high level, when judging about more complex stuff. Such errors in cognitive evaluations where discribed and researched by many scientists, such as Daniel Kahnemann. These errors are called “cognitive biases” and they undermine decision making. Some of these biases are:

* Confirmation bias: tendency to search and save such information, which confirmes own preconceptions – Example: Many of us tend to surround ourselves with people, who have similar opinions on key questions

* Anchoring: tendency to base decision making on one specific information, missing out on others – Example: Many of us tend to judge on public happenings, based on one information source

* Availability heuristic: tendency to overestimate the probability of anything which is much more present in our heads – Example: Many of us tend to think, that terror attacks are much more likely, than they actually are

* Dunning–Kruger effect: tendency to overestimate own abilities while not being an expert and underestimate own abilities while being an expert – Example: Many of us know the people who do have an opinion on a subject, but do not have an idea about it

The list is incomplete, but shows some tendencies in our thinking processes. They are results of cognitive short-cuts, which underly our thinking processes. Cognitive short-cuts means, that our brains have developed ways to increase information processing quality & quantity. This happens by using pre-existing rules. Such pre-existing rules are used, when re-occuring information is being processed or as such evaluated. Visible examples are behaviors based on habits or do you remember where you have put down the keys to your door or your car.

A counter-argument for using data in developing oneself might be, that oneself knows best, what is best for oneself. Indeed this seems true, but what if data could enrich, actualize or build self-knowledge? If data was able to do it, then there should be some advantages, similar to competetive advantages, which exist for data driven companies.

* Consistency: To be consistent might not always be the best decision. Of course, circumstances will have impact on consitency. But the devil in ourselves will always try to have us behave based on customary practice or based on what causes less effort.

* Awareness: To be aware of developments. Though in many cases, we do recognize when we feel sick physically or feel bad mentally, the cause is not always recognized. Sometimes our minds use defense mechanisms in order to help us functioning. Defense mechanisms do lead to not being aware of developments. Example? Running away from problems is a very basic & simple defense mechanism. It leads to not having to deal with an issue and as a consequence, not being aware of it.

* Responsiveness: To be responsive means, to act proactive in real-time at the right time. An individual may recognize, that some activities or personalities might have negative influence on own development. The recognition might take months or even years. Don’t you have that one friend, who is still in a relationship with that bad partner. Data will help to identify, control and even predict bad influences. Recognition is not the only step to be made. Based on identification of a (future)  issue, acting it out is the next step.

* Build-In feedback: This means, that people get a build-in response straight out of their own life, after making changes. Of course, we do get shortterm feedback from our environment (ex. Hitting a dog, being bitten by the dog as a consequence) or our body (ex. smoking cigarettes and coughing as a consequence). The question is whether we get long term feedback and whether we think, that it were the changes made before, which caused the consequence (getting wealthier over time, caused by high conscientiousness). The build-in feedback will lead to a higher ability of adjusting mal-behaviors.

* Speed in decision making: This means, that the speed of the decision making process will increase. The increase will lead to a shorter time of living under bad influences. It will decrease the amount and strengh of bad consequences a person has to suffer from.

* Minimization of influence of biases: Cognitive biases will not be as influencial as potentially possible, as soon as data will have a controlling impact on decision making.

The list of advantages shows, that data will help in increasing the quality of decision making in private life, too.

– Companies are obliged to provide access to data stored about oneself (based on EU-GDPR rules)
– Quality of decision-making is disturbed by feelings / cognitive biases (= brain shortcuts)
– Quality of decision-making is increased by data, as it portrayes life in numbers

Now, that it is clear, that data could potentially be helpful in self-development, the following questions remain:

* How does the process look like?

* What data is available and what data makes sense in respect of self-development?

* What are key performance indicators of self-development in my specifc case?

* How do i get certain data from companies, which collect it?

* How can i make data readable for the human eye?

* What are actionables of my own data?

Before starting the process of self analysis based on digitally available data, you have to define the process in itself.

Plan & Collect

First of all the question is, which data is generally available. Then available data should be classified as sensful data to be included in self-development. To have a basis for decision making, the goals and KPIs should be defined. The next step is to determine the exact data sources to actually be involved in such a process of self development. The step plan and collect is done, when the behaviors of data collection are actually finished (Which is one of the biggest efforts, as it requires long-term commitment to data collection in multiple apps). At this point a coach can help with many tasks. First of all the KPI definition is one major task. A coach can support in the definition process. Then there is the long term process of collecting own data, which is not the most attractive task. A coach can assist in holding up the long term goal and the intrinsic motivation.

Preparation & Analysis

Next step requires data preparation and analysis. Preparation means, that the extracted data from digital applications has to be cleaned up. Cleaning data up, means bringing it into a form, which fits the general requirements. When cleaning up data from different sources, one major task is bringing data into the same format, to have it comparable. Another important task is to find the one data column, which is available in each data source. This allows to connect data from different sources. After preparation, the next step is to aggregate data.

Data aggregation means, that data is summed up, calculated, averaged etc., so that you don’t have to look at each data point (which you will have thousands of). You can look on major metrics, like averages or sums.

After data is prepared and aggregated, you can visualize data. Visualization means, displaying data in graphs, columns, pie charts etc. It makes cognition of data easier. Looking at numbers is an easy task for a trained eye. Looking at numbers is pretty exhausting task for an untrained eye. Looking at charts makes data easy to understand. The last part of analysis is the actual analysis. Analysis means, identifying patterns or deviations from a norm.

A coach, who has experience with data and data from digital sources, will be able to assist in the process of data preparation. A coach will even be able to help in the selection of right solutions for automated data preparation.

Opportunities & Decisions

The next biggest step is the decision making based on data. After having the data cleared up, aggregated, visualized and initially analyzed, possible explanations of the analysis should be evaluated. Only the person in focus will be able to truly understand the data analysis and provide an interpretation, as only the person in focus knows what happened. At this point a coach can provide support by enabling the thinking process. Based on the data and possible explanations / interpretations, decisions can be made, of course solely by the person in focus again.

Activation and Will

As a last step within the process, the decisions should be realized. They should be planned and enacted. While a one-time default process might end at this step, the infinity loop suggests, to start all over again. This is very important, as decisions and changes of average behavior will lead to a change in observable data. In order to fully understand the impact of such changes to one’s own life, data collection should start all over again.

Challenges

In all steps of the process, the MITSloan Management Review writes, “lack of understanding of how to use analytics to improve” is the main barrier to becoming a more data driven business. The same issue will probably occur with a more data driven human. Other big issues are lack of “ability to get the data”, “perceived costs overweighing projected benefits” and “not knowing where to start”. Those reasons seem not to be of technical, but more of emotional and procesual nature. Furthermore, in personal context, the data gathering upfront and in longterm implicates high efforts and high discipline. Those are emotional reasons on an intrapersonal level. On the other hand, gathering data, eg. writing down nutrition specifics, while being in social company, might lead to confrontation with friends, family and strangers. What i have often heard is “aren’t you exaggerating?” or “now concentrate on us”. Such emotional barriers can occur on an interpersonal level. Both, intrapersonal and interpersonal barriers indicate, that a coach, who will be able to assist in the process of becoming more data driven, will be a cornerstone.

3.1.1. Self-recorded data

Self-recorded data is available via wearables or mobile devices, which people carry with them. Self recorded data is also available via platforms or service providers, which are used to interact with people or things. If somebody writes a whatsapp message or posts a message on a board, this is one data point, which is gathered by the platform provider. At this point, i have to mention, that i use apple devices. Of course, devices from other manufactures should have equal capabilities.

* bio-medical data (from Apple Watch Series-4 & iPhone Xs):  consumed calories, heart rate | per day, per hour

* behavioral data (from wearables, mobile devices, platforms and service providers):

** wearables/mobile devices (from Apple Watch Series-4): steps made, distance made, standing time | per day

** platforms (facebook, whatsapp, instagram, google, netflix): private messages, posts, comments, location, movie watching | per day, per hour, per person, per interaction

** service providers (mobile phone company, eg. Telekom): calling history | per day, per hour, per interaction and per person

** service providers (financial institutions, eg. VR Bank): expenditures | per interaction

3.1.2. Self-reported data

Self-reported data is is available, when a person takes care of data gathering him-/herself. It means, that no data is recorded out of the box. As an example, you might think of your weight. At least you have to stand on a balance. Some devices will sent data to an app. Mostly, you will have to write down the weight by yourself.

* objective behavioral data from apps (myfitnesspal):  nutritional values of meals (eg. calories, fat, cholesterol, sugar etc. ), weight | per day

* subjective cognitive & emitional data (iMoodJournal, Happify): Mood | per interaction

3.1.3. Sensful data

The next question can be answered by asking another question “what do i want to know about myself”? Do you want to change your weight, gain or lose it? Well, you will then need track your weight. As sports & eating behavior do have impact on your weight, you will need to track your meals & your movement activities, at least. If you want to evaluate the impact of certain times or places on your well-being, you will need to track the moments you spent at such places in such times in real life. Maybe there is impact of nutrition on your mood? What about the impact of internet usage? How about the impact of certain people? Click here to take a look at what data is in general available.

Well, during the time, that i first decided to create such a self-analysis, i’ve had health issues. Both my house-doctor as well as 2 neurologists told me, that one possible explanation for my health issues was stress. So when thinking about Goals and KPIs i decided to concentrate on Hearth Rate Variability and my mood.

Furthermore, i identified my weight and eating behavior as “not on an optimal level”. I have tried out low carb diets as well as gluten free diets just for fun in the past and was pretty succesful with them. But then, after not having any active goal with such initiatives, i stopped having an actively managed diet. In combination with me stopping smoking, my weight increased by 10 kilograms within half a year. So a pretty obvious approach was to have a look at my nutrition.

As i did decide to not have any persons included in my public analysis, i skipped the analysis of calling and messaging behavior and comparing it to mood or HRV.

I skipped analysing my internet usage, too. Not due to moral or practical reasons, but due to lack of data available. Though devices do save usage data, i decided to use specific tools, which will help me analyze my usage cross-device. Such a solution is rescue-time. I started using rescue time in July 2019, while doing the other analysis from April to June 2019.

3.2.1. Mood per Time & Place

To analyze my mood in combination with times and places, self reported data is necessary. The solution of my choice is pretty simple and at the same time pretty powerful: iMood. It allows to save mood on a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being bad mood and 10 being very good mood. It allows to provide mood indicators with hashtags in order to label certain mood points, but i did not use this feature. Mood per Time & Place allows me to analyze how my mood changes, when being at certain places and times.

In order to track the geo location (=place) i have used the out of the box function of facebook. The facebook export function allows to use geo location based on dates.

3.2.2. Heart Rate Variability per Time & Place

I have choosen heart rate variability in order to have an indicator for stress. As mood is the positive, stress might be an indicator from a negative perspective. Heart rate variability connects with regions of the brain, which are involved in stress appraisals. The general conclusion is therefore, that stress might have impact on the heart rate variability. A rule of thumb to use is the following: the higher the heart rate variability is, the lower should be the indicated stress level. But always keep in mind, that the HRV should be looked at in a person specific context. This means, that a HRV of 50 for person A might not lead to the same interpretation as for person B.

In order to track the geo location (=place) i have used the out of the box function of facebook. The facebook export function allows to use geo location based on dates.

3.2.3. Weight per calories and macro nutritiants

This statistic depends on self reported data from myfitnesspal. There are many nutrition trackers and for me myfitnesspal is the best. It has some premium features, especially the data export feature is important for my own use case. How does it work? Well, you search for a food ingredient, select the amount of grams and all the micro & macro nutritients will be saved. This is important, as it helps to regulate eating behavior and identify potentials for improvement. As with all statistics, you always have to keep in mind to evaluate data based on the specifics of person specific context.

In order to track weight, i have bought a wifi and bluetooth compatible weighbridge, which allows me to save all progress within an app and compare that data.

3.2.4. Weight per activity level

When evaluating basic health measures, such as mood from a psychological viewpoint and weight or heartrate from a physiological viewpoint, it makes sense to take a look at participation in sports or other activity. In my case, weight will evaluated as a function of eating behavior and participation in sports.

In order to track weight, i have bought a wifi and bluetooth compatible weighbridge, which allows me to save all progress within app and compare that data.

3.2.5. Mood & Heart rate variability per person (family & friends)

As mentioned before, this would be immoral, therefore i decided to not conduct such an analysis. Data to be used for such an analysis is available at Whatsapp (which allows you to export a chatlog), at Facebook (which allows you to export a chatlog), at your telecommunication provider (which allows you to export calling history).

3.2.6. Digital Activity

In order to understand potentials of own behavior at work, at home, with private projects, people could analyze their behavior within the digital world. One possibility is to access data saved by devices. My goal is to analyze my behavior based on my usage within different devices, therefore i will use an out of the box tracking and aggregation service, like rescue time.

3.3.1. Prerequisite: How to deal with .csv, .json, .xml files

Most data will be exported as .csv, .json or .xml files. The goal in this case study is to use Microsoft Excel as the most commonly used software. Therefore the main task is to open all three file formats in microsoft excel. Every file format requires an individual approach in order to convert data into .xlsx format.

3.3.2. Data from MyFitnessPal

To export data from  MyFitnessPal, the following steps have to be taken after opening the mobile app:

1. Click on “Fortschritt” within the bottom line navigation in order to open next app-view

2. Click on “Export” in the upper right corner in order to open export-view

3. Click on “meine Informationen exportieren” within the bottom line in order to generate data export

-> Export: a comma-separated value (.csv) file.

3.3.3. Data from Facebook

To export data from Facebook, the following steps have to be taken after opening the mobile app:

1. Click on the “3 horizontal stripes” within the bottom line navigation in order to open the navigation

2. Click on “Einstellungen und Privatsphäre” within the navigation in order to open sub-menu items

3. Click on “Einstellungen” within the sub-menu in order to open the next app-view

4. Click on “Zugriff auf deine Informationen” within the sub-menu in order to open the next app-view

5. Click on the text-link “deine Informationen herunterladen” in order to open the data-export view

6. Click on all “check-marks” for information you want to download

7.-8. Choose “JSON” as format. Choose “Niedrig” as Medienqualität

9. Click on “Datei erstellen” within the bottom line in order to generate data export

10.-11. Click on “meine Informationen exportieren” within the bottom line in order to generate data export

-> Export:  many JSON (.json) files.

3.3.4. Data from Apple Health

To export data from the Apple Health app, the following steps have to be taken after opening the mobile app:

1. Click on the profile icon in the upper right corner in order to open next app-view

2. Click on “Daten exportieren” in the lower area in order to open the data generation layer

3. Click on “Exportieren” within the layer in order to generate data export

-> Export: some XML (.xml) files.

3.3.5. Data from QS Access

To export data from the Apple Health app, the following steps have to be taken after opening the mobile app:

1. Download the QS Access application from any app store and open it

2. Slide to active any category that should be included in the data export

3. Click on “Create Table” within the bottom area of the app in order to generate the export

4. Click on “export icon” in the upper right corner in order to send or save the export

-> Export: a comma-separated value (.csv) file.

3.3.6. Data from iMoodJournal

To export data from iMoodJournal, the following steps have to be taken after opening the mobile app:

1. Click on the settings icon within the bottom line navigation in order to open the settings-view

2. Click on “Export” in order to open export-view

3. Click on “Export to CSV” in order to generate data export

-> Export: a comma-separated value (.csv) file.

3.4.1. Data preparation

In order to work with the data extracted from different sources, it is important to have it available in a consistent form. Single tasks within this step are the following:

* Data should have the same format

* Data values should have the same format for equal information

* Data should have the same units for equal information

* Data should have the same reference in order to compare it

3.4.2. Data aggregation

Data aggregation means, that raw data should be aggregated into sensful metrics. Sensful metrics depend on the previously defined KPIs and goals. As a first steps, depending on KPIs and metrics, it might make sense to calculate averages, sums, min and max values. Furthermore it might make sense to calculate correlations and significance in order to understand coexistance. The next step is to recalculate raw data, so that it becomes readable data. For example grams of fat, protein and carbs should be recalculated into calories and compared to each other within a share. Dates should be recalculated as calendarweeks, weekdays etc.. Geo-codes should be translated into real city names.

Typical aggregation for self quantification is:

* Data should be aggregated to averages

* Data should be aggregated to sums

* Data should be aggregated to min and max values

* Data should be aggregated to correlations

* Raw Data should be recalculated

3.4.3. Data visualization

The next step is data visualization. Data visualization means, that the available data should be displayed in visually understandable format. There are indifinite formats available. The most known are pie charts, columns and timelines. I have videotaped and screenshoted the results of such a process below

3.4.4. The result

Below an example my own, self developed, automated dashboard.

The dashboard has some advantages.

* Easy re-import of additional data: additional data (eg. new months available) can be imported and re-integrated easily

* Easy addition of new data: new data, eg. web usage data, can be important easily, as dashboard is modular based

* Easy segmentation: dashboard is adjustable to certain timeframes and cities

* Availability for another person: Dashboard can be re-used for another person, who has access to the same data

* Visual and descriptive elements: Dashboard provides visual display as well as descriptive interpretation of most important values

I have used timelines in order to display developments over time, such as my mood development, such as the heart rate variability, such as my weight over time.

I have used columns in order to display comparisons between values for different cities or weekdays.

I have used pie charts in order to display distribution / shares.

Furthermore i have always started with displaying main KPIs on average or in sum, as it allows to set reference points in analyzing the timelines, columns and pie charts.

The dashboard can be bought as part of my service.

3.5.1. Mood

No negative extremes:

My data indicates, that i have an average mood of 7.01 on a scale from 1 to 10. My min Value is 4 and my Max value is 9. For me this means, that i have a tendency, not to fall into negative extremes. Throughout my life, i have already been in such places (as probably most people) and i know how hard it is down there. Therefore it is pretty difficult, to get me “upset”. So having a relatively high average is not a surprise for me.

Furthermore, i know that i have a way to evaluate things cognitively in a pretty positive matter – this means, that i naturally try to think of chances while being in difficult situations. Additionally, i have an inner locus of control, which means that good and bad events, i try to understand as a function of my own behavior.

Stable with high emotionality on both ends:

Interestingly, my mood is stable over time. It does not show any tendency or trend. It is neither positive nor negative and does not stay positive or negative over a longer period of time. On the other hand, my emotionality does vary from 4 to 9, which is kind of describing my reality. When you interact with me, i love being extraordinary motivating for other people, but at the same time i am capable of negatively triggering others (i love to argue a lot). So i am highly emotionally engaged in everything, that i do.

Better mood, where family and friends are:

While analyzing places, that i’ve been visiting, it became obvious to me. Places, where family and friends live, do lead to a better mood for me. This sounds logical, as such places are additionaly disconnected from daily life (in my case). Czersk, Side, Gdynia & Iserlohn are in the Top5, in addition to my homebase Berlin. Side is where i spent vacations with my whole family. Czersk is, where my granny lives and my dad lived. Gdynia is where my other granny lives and my heart belongs. Iserlohn is where i grew up and my mother lives. On the other end of the spectrum, there are cities which are directly connected to my educational progress or my business life as an employee. Poznan is where i have studied psychology (and being there, i either spent 26 out of 48 hours of a weekend sitting in classes or writing exams). Wolfsburg is where my main consulting-client has his headquarter. Gerlingen is, where my employeur has his headquarter and Hamburg is, where i had to travel once for work. Furthermore very low on the mood scale was the city of Swinoujscie (Me and my girlfriend argued a lot in Swinoujscie). The hypothesis would be, that social bonding and integration is a predictor for me to have good mood.

I have to underly the fact, that in the given analyzed timeperiod, i have spent only 1 day in Czersk, 2 days in Swinoujscie & Hamburg, something between 2 & 5 days in Gerlingen and Iserlohn. Therefore those cities might not display a proper average score. “Kein Ort” is where no place was recorded, because the geo location feature within facebook was turned off.

Better mood around the weekend

When it comes to weekdays, mid of the week (with tuesdays, wednesdays and thursdays) seem to be less attractive to me. My mood is lower compared to fridays, saturdays, sundays and mondays. This seems obvious, as weekends are correlated with visiting friends and family, of course. Furthermore weekends allow to concentrate on things you want to do and not things you are obliged to do. Especially wednesday is low on the mood scale. In my case wednesday is the day of business travelling and sitting in meetings, which makes wednesday the least productive day in the week for me.

3.5.2. HRV

Average and Min / Max Values indicate “i’m average”

Heart rate variability as an indicator of stress shows an average value of 60.68, which is according to different sources, the average value for humans of my gender and my age. Heart Rate Variability is a less subjective indicator, as it is recorded automatically and proven scientifically to be an indicator for stress. I will not discuss heart rate

HRV does not match mood per city indicators completely

Most of the HRV scores per city are higher for cities, for which my mood was higher on average. The only exception is Iserlohn, where my mood is very high, at the same time my HRV is relatively low. Iserlohn is connected to my family, especially my mother. My mother and I, we use to argue a lot, which sometimes turns into emotionally heated discussions. Still both, we like our discussions, even if excessive. Therefore it seems, that the time in Iserlohn might be cognitively very positive and at the same time relatively stressful. Furthermore, Poznan, Wolfsburg and Hamburg have the lowest values. Side, Gdynia and Berlin have the highest values. Gerlingen does stand out as the second highest value.

HRV does not match mood per weekday indicators completely

Fridays and mondays have the lowest HRV. This is in so far interesting, as Mood is relatively high on mondays and fridays. Though mondays and fridays can be distinguished from saturday an sunday, as they are working days.

HRV is stable over time

My heart rate variability is stable over time and does not show any positive or negative tendencies. A little rising tendency is visible in june & july.

3.5.3. Nutrition and Movement

Overall i am stable

On average i need 2.058 calories, while i build it up by activity calories (probably walking 12.968 steps a day, with 716 kcal on average) and sport calories by swimming, thaiboxing and going to the gym (611 kcal on average). On the other hand i eat on average for 1.737 calories. The average for eating calories is not proper, as i started recording exactly everything my diet consists of in mid of april. Therefore the macronutrition share does not show, how i composed my diet over time. On average i consumed 56% fat, 25% protein and 19% carbs when compared in calories, which led to an average weight of 88,57 kilograms. Min and Max values for my weight (Min: 81.8, Max: 90.9) indicate, that there might have been changes to my sports as well as my nutrition. Let’s take a closer look.

Zooming into months, there is a change visible

In April my nutrition share was Fat: 44%; Protein: 26%; Carbs: 30%. It shows an increased share of carbs, compared to the overal average. At the same time my average weight was 90.36 kg, which is nearly equal to the max value. I was not as active when it comes to sports, as the previous months. Mood in April was on avergae, but i had an increased average HRV, compared to what is expected, for somebody like me.

In May the situation changed. I introduced swimming & thaiboxing to my sports activities. Furthermore i decreased the carbs share to 5%, while increasing protein (32%) and fat (63%). I was eating 2035 calories on average. My goal was to go on a keto diet. apperantly it did not change my weight directly, though i have lost some grams. My average mood stayed stable, but my HRV decreased. This might or might not be connected to the change in nutrition.

In June, i came pretty close to a nutrition share, which defines a keto diet. Fat was equal to 71% in calories, protein was 26% in calories and carbs was 3% in calories. Additionaly my average calory consumption went down to 1850 calories. I started working out more intensly, with 5 swimming days, 3 thaiboxing days and 12 gym days during june. My step number increased, compared to previous months, while my average mood decreased a little bit. My HRV alligned with the average for a male with my age. My weight went down to about 85.41 kg.

In July my diet became even more extreme. My nutrition share went up to 80% for fat, with 18% for protein and 2% for carbs. At the end of the month, i went down to 82,39 kg on average.

The change is visible in:

a) Diversifying sports behavior: I have added swimming and thaiboxing

b) More frequent sports behavior: By adding new sports, i’ve started to work out more frequently

c) Being more “active”: by doing more steps on average

d) Decreased my carbs calories: By leaving out major carb sources, like pizza, bread, spaghetti, rice

e) increased my fat calories: By adding such things as Avocado, bacon, steaks etc.

f) Weight decrease: Decreased my weight by combining a) to e)

Dieting is difficult, when on the road

If i take a look at my dieting behavior, while being on a trip, it becomes ovious, that i either do not eat at all (in Wolfsburg for example), which might have impact on HRV and mood. Or, i might eat a lot, sometimes too much, as in Side and Iserlohn. In Side, where i was on vacation with my family. The trip was all-inclusive, so eating 4 times a day was the highlight of the trip. In Iserlohn, i am at my mother’s, who has always everything ready to give me a good feeling. It shows me, that my challenge is, to take care of my dieting when i am on the road. The same picture is displayed, when looking at weekdays. I’m not eating enough, when in Wolfsburg on Wednesdays and i am eating too much, when being on the road on saturdays and sundays especially.

As i skipped connecting mood & HRV to specific individuals, by connecting the dots to Phone-Calling and social networking behavior and as i skipped analysing my digital usage, i will prepare deeper analysis in step 2 of my self quantificatoin use case.

Digital usage behavior: In order to accomplish the analysis, i will get back to data of screen trackers (like rescue time), to data app device providers (like apple) and to data of platform providers (like facebook).

Interaction with inidividuals: In order to accomplish the analysis, i will get back to data of social networks (like Facebook & whatsapp) or messengers (like facebook). I am not sure though, whether i will publicly provide the analysis.

As my goal is to increase my mood and decrease my stress, i need to work on both. Cities with the highest potential show low mood and high stress, indicated by the HRV. The question is how mood can be increased proactively and stress decreased. Well the easiest way is to work cognitively and behavioraly on crushing, updating, changing, developing patterns.

I have good mood in cities, where family members or friends live. I’m fully integrated into those social circles. In cities, where i work, i am not fully integrated. This is not due to me being a social outsider. This is due to me choosing not to invest so many time into social bonds at work. It seems that there is an open potential. I will try to invest more emotions and time into my co-workers and will then try to observe, whether my mood indicators change. One way to trigger such a change process is to start judging people not as colleagues at work, but as friends.

When it comes to the stress indicator HRV, it would be easy to stop arguying, while being in Iserlohn, but as i said, i do like the discussions with my mother. So it seems to be a specific kind of stress. Furthermore, in Wolfsburg especially, as one of my “cities, where i work”, i will need to work on my perception of people. I do have an issue with power solely based on hierarchies and where i work, such a concept is one of the main decision making drivers. I have an issue with pseudo authority. I will need to step into the shoes of other people in order to understand their way to power, in order to understand their motivation for behavior, in order to be more easy-going, when it comes to difficult situations. Well sounds like this is the bad part of me being very emotionally connected to everything, that i do. When i do things i like, i am probably very motivating for others, but when i do things i don’t like or disrespect, i might tend to not being the most empathic person on earth.

What i have observed, is a change of weight due to changes in macro nutrition share and sports behavior. I have decreased my overall calories count, i have increased calories driven by fat and decreased calories driven by carbs. Right now, i am at a point, where my diet is pretty difficult and requires high level of discipline. As i have driven down my weight to approximately 80kg, i want to find a way live within a diet, which allows me to eat more carbs (icecream, more vegetables, more fruits, sometimes a pizza).  I think, will get into a trial and error phase, while observing the changes. Probably, i will start by increasing carbs by 10% every one or two weeks and analyze effects.  The goal is, again, to find a nutrition share and callories count, which allows me to live as free from eating restrictions as possible, while staying shaped, as today. Of course, i will take a look into vitamines. Dieting should be observed and planned properly. As i started with my keto diet, i forgot to include roughage. Roughage is necessary to have a healthy bowel movement. 

Well, what i have learned about being on work or private trips, is that i don’t do sports as frequent and that i don’t eat enough calories with the same exact target nutrition share. Some ideas to improve such a behaviors:

* Sports without equipment: Learn sports and training types, which can be done without ANY equipment. Stretching exercises, yoga, self weight exercised, running.

* Hotels with sport opprtuinties: book hotels, where being sporty is possible. Fitness rooms, tennis courts, swimming pools are possibilities.

* Plan dieting for trips: you can’t take bottles into plane, but you can take already prepared meals into planes, traines, cars and on foot-walks. I will have to learn how to plan and prepare meals upfront.

We communicate with our bodies, we communicate with our voice, we communicate even not being at a place at all (see: butterfly effect). It’s our stories, that we tell, when we meet other people, when we motivate other people. Our stories will be told over and over again and will gain impact.

Communication is everything.

But what is communication. Many people know the 93% rule, which says, that a message is send via non-verbal communication for 93%. Many coaches, mentors, trainers etc. cite and present it, when holding communication trainings. Even one of my first communication trainers in adult life believed this is true. Well, as often with scientific work, especially in laboratory setting, it does happen in very specific circumstances.In the case of the 93% rule, where 7% of the message is send via verbal communication, 55% via body language and 38% via tone of voice, both experiments where conducted under the premise, that the verbal and non-verbal signs are not congruent.

This means, that a verbal message is being sent out, while the non-verbal message sends an opposing message. Then the verbal message is “questioned” by the receiver (well, yes! If you say “yes, i want to buy this car”, while crying and avoiding to hand over the money, one might think, that there is something suspicious about your willingness to buy the car. True!)

Furthermore, only 2 experiments where conducted on the issue. Within the scientific world “facts” are accepted as facts, after multiple replication of the results under similar circumstances are registered.

The experiments conducted by A. Mehrabian are not accurately applicable to real world communication situations and are not applicable to situations, in which verbal and non-verbal channels send out congruent messages.Still, it is very important, to understand, that we as humans do have a big eco system of communication channels, such as our facial expressions, our body movement, our gestures, our voice and our spoken words. Often, we should try to get them aligned, in order to communicate a powerful mesage.

In order to communicate a congruent message and increase speaking and argumentation effectiveness, there are certain ways and methods. Methods are tought in practical trainings. Often it is forgotten, to teach the basics. Basics in general allow to spontaniously change plans, even if the learned practical method does not support it initially- The following information will therefore focus on basic knowledge. Basic knowledge should fullfil the 80:20 rule and help in making a big step in development.

In the following, some basic concepts will be presented, which should help to adjust and improve communication in everyday life.

3.1.1. The communication square by Schulz von Thun

A basic system showing on which level we communicate is the communication square by Schulz von Thun. He describes 4 levels, on which we communicate and send out messages.

* The factual level: What topic i am talking about, which reasons do i have, which examples do i show?

* The appeal level: What is my goal within my relationship with the other person, what am i expecting, what are my wishes?

* The relationsship level: How do i perceive the other person, how do i create a positive atmosphere, how is our relationship?

* The self declaration level: What i am showing about myself, how do i perceive the situation, which feelings do i have, which needs do i have?

The receiver of the communication does use the same levels of communication, when receiving messages.

This modell helps in understandning what and when you are communicating. It should help to have an insight on communication not just being spoken words.

3.1.2. The communications-Modell by Prakke

Within the communicationsmodell by Prakke communication is understood as a two way street.  Sender and receiver are exchanging information and switching roles the whole time. Both use a specific signs in order to send messages. The sign system might overlap or might not overlap. When the system overlaps, communication is easer. When it does not, communication becomes more difficult.

Both use specific channels for communication. In best case both use the same channel, so that communication is send and received properly. Communication might have different quality. There is the case of information exchange, which is more factual. Then there is the case of commenting information, which is more a subjective evaluation. Then there is a simple conversation, which includes all elements.

This modell helps in understanding, that there is always a receiver and simultaniously a sender on the other side. A good method to better understand the receiver is dissociation in a psychological sense. It means, that one detaches him- or herself from the self experience and is then able to connect with the experience of somebody else, virtually.

3.2.1. Top to bottom or the flight height

One of my supervisors always tells me to argue on the highest possible level. What he means, is that the higher a plane is flying, the smaller the world underneath it is and the less details are visible. So what you do is, that you start at the highest possible level, describing a picture with the least possible details.

With each line of argumentation, the flight height decreases and makes more details visible. After reaching the lowest flight height for one argument, one should jump back to the highest point of view, in order to start the next argument.

* Highest level: I see the whole landscape including trees, bushes, a house

* Mid Level: I see the whole house and some of the trees. The house seems to have windows

* Low Level: i see a part of the house. I know, that there are 4 windows. I do see 4 trees.

3.2.2. Build logical chains

This rule is very simple and lets the mind of the listener follow, what is being actually said. It can be described as a mathematical rule.

If A equals B and If B equals C, then A equals C. So what you should do: Don’t start with describing the connection between A and C, but start with AtoB and BtoC, because the connection between A and C will then become self evident.

By building such logical chains, people will be able to follow your argumentation and understand your premisses as well.

Well, do you remember the house of card scene, where Frank Underwood pushed a women under a train? If this scene was shown directly within the first episode, nobody would have understood. First they build up the whole storyline, in order to place the push as an integral part of the development or even the climax of the story.

3.2.3. The cooperative principles (of communication) by Grice

The cooperative principles by Paul Grice, have the goal to communicate more effectively. The principles are the following:

* Maxim of quality: Tell the truth and do not tell things, that under your best knowledge, are false.

* Maxim of quantity: Tell as much as necessary, while telling as little as possible.

* Maxim of relevance: Tell relevant information to the cause. which is pursued by you and your counterpart

* Maxim of manner: Talk precisely and avoid ambiguity.

3.2.4. The FDH-Rule

A general rule, which should especially help in opening conversations, is the FDH Rule, with F being friendly, D being direct and H being hard. It tells a person to be friendly in tone and tough on the matter. When it comes to a timing, then first start with the friendly part, before beginning with the specific toughness on the matter.

One can use a specific scheme for building sentences, in order to introduce the FDH rule into speaking habits:

First be kind and repeat the argument of the opposite site, evaluating it as a very good idea. Then continue by “furthermore”, placing your own argument on top of the previous one.

Such a sentence might sound like: “Well, your idea is a very good approach to solve our issue and furthermore i would suggest to…..”

3.2.4. Positive formulation by Shazer

This might sound like an old rule and might be one of those rules, which trigger the “yeah, i already know this” reaction. But when training positive formulation, it will become obvious pretty soon, that it is not as easy as it seems.

The idea of formulating stuff in a positive way impacts the cognitive thought proccesses, as one has to think first about solutions, that are possible and not about the impossible. Thinking of solutions is a much harder task, than denying something.

Some examples:

* Negative: We are closed from 3pm -> Positive: We are opened until 3pm.

* Negative: We can’t do such a project -> Positive: What we can do in such a case, is…

* Negative: This is impossible -> Positive: What i can offer you, is…

3.2.4. The “boiled frog” or “planted seed” idea

Well, this might not be the most ethical metaphor for an communication mechanism, but the boiled frog is a very simple, but at the same time very powerful mechanism. What happens if a frog is put directly into boiled water?

Well, the frog will jump out and jump away. No frog to eat, today. What is the solution? Well, put the frog into cold water and then slowly boil it up. It will lead to the frog feeling secure and warm. The frog will stay until he’s boiled.

What does this mean for communication? Don’t put all the hard truth on the table immediately. Build up the argument step by step, even by dividing the communication into different moments in time.

One of my colleagues says, that you should plant the seed, take care for it and then harvest the gain. The idea of planting a seed is pretty similar, as it does not put all the information on the table at once. It does assume, that effects have to grow over time and it does assume, that you can’t harvest something if it has not grown before.

3.3.1. How to feedback

Feedbacking might be a real art, as it is not just telling the truth. Feedbacking is not an end in itself. It should aim at helping to improve the receiver of the feedback. This is why just telling somebody, that the way to solve something is wrong, is wrong. There are many possible issues with just telling somebody, that he or she is doing something wrong. What if the sender’s evaluation is wrong, objectively? What if the sender does not have all the necessary information to evaluate the receivers choices accurately? What if the sender’s evaluation is just subjectively right? What if it is unclear, what a good way to go for the receiver is? What if the receiver is not in the best mood for receiving feedback?

Well, there are many “if”s, which should be considered. A simple rule might help in communicating feedback in a way, that will avoid the “if” questions. A well constructed feedback should look approximately like the following scheme

* Objective description of the situation: Do only speak about facts. Example: “3 days ago, i have send you an email. My inbox did not show any answer until now”

* Subjetive perception of the situation: Do speak about what you think happened: “Well i have the feeling, that you have not answered, yet. But i am not completely sure.”

* Subjective evaluation of the situation: Do speak about, how you feel about what happened: “For me it is very dissapointing, given the case, that i have not received an answer, yet. It is dissapointing, because i need this information to proceed with the project”

* Communication of target state: Do formulate a state, which would be acceptable for all parties: “Within our common project, we need daily feedback loops in order to not hold on project progress. No matter who is responsible for the next step, the whole team should take care of progress”

* Proposition of next steps: Do formulate a next step, which includes all parties: “Maybe we can exchange information daily for 5 minutes, so that we both do not miss on next steps. This would eliminate the “whom to blame question” from such a situation”

3.3.2. Basics in verbal communication

Some communication skills might help in better understanding of the person on the other side and therefore leading a senseful conversation.

* Asking open questions: Open questions are questions, which allow the other party to evaluate in whatever direction he or she thinks is right. Closed questions in general generate defensive answers and Yes/No answers. Open question: “Where do you want to go?” Vs. Closed question “Should we go to the cinema or to the restaurant?”

* Paraphrasing: Is rephrasing, what the opponent as said in own words. Often it is used to shorten long claims and provide a feeling of understanding.

* Clarifying: Clarification is used in order to confirm rightful understanding and not build the following conversation on false premisses.

* Summarizing: Summarizing is used in order to get acceptance after one topic is discussed and cooperation is reached, in order to proceed with the next topic.

* Mirroring of emotionality and affectivity: Mirroring is used to build trust and rapport. It means re-act the body and facial gestures and expressions of the other party.

* Emphasizing on opinions not judgements: Emphasizing on the fact, that ones evaluation is not a given fact, but an opinion

* Inform all parties about assumptions and goals upfront: Sometimes not showing all cards is less valuable. Within a cooperation scenario showing his cards might help in achieving the common goal, as it will avoid conflicts due to misunderstandings.

* Understand underlying assumptions: This point is very important in negotiations, private and professional. It means, that one should not argue the facts on the table, but the underlying assumptions. Sometimes understanding the underlying assumptions, makes the facts understandable.

* Understand triggering situations: Different people have different learned triggers, which make them become emotional and aggressive. It is good to find out the moments, which trigger the opposite site in order to avoid unnecessary problems

* Less defending oneself: This is a point i like very much. When defending yourself, it means that one is in defense position, accepting short term superiority of the opposite site or the argument of the opposite site.

* Understand your own goals upfront: When understanding own goals upfront, it will lead to clearer communication towards to opposite site, which will increase understandning

* Find a better way or place for cooperatoin: Sometimes places trigger people. Sometime a new place or the use of other words lead to better results, true to the motto: “Don’t expect other results, if you don’t change your behavior”

* Active listening: Active listening is observing and listening to the counterpart, re-asking, at moments which seem to be important.

* Asking questions in general: if you expect an answer, then ask a question. Ask the question in such a way, that the counterpart knows, that this is the focus of the conversation. Do not expect people to answer (honestly) on statements without questions.

There are simple suggestions, whch should help in improving the outcome of interactions with others. At work one should always remember, that certain methods or skills, should be used wisely, depending on context. But rules are there to first cover the average, after taking a look at the extremes and exceptions. A coach can assist within the developmental process, can help in building basics by suggesting the right methods for the specific reality.

For example, the appeal and relationship level within Shulz von Thun’s systematic approach, allowed myself to better understand, why the communication with one of my clients (as a consultant in digital marketing) was not properly functioning. It helped me, to see, what i am communicating to him, besides my spoken words.

Working with flight heights helped me to build better presentations and always stick to the main storyline, even if i moved away telling private sub-stories.

Working with logical chains helped me in writing more sturctured emails and getting better responses. Today, i always begin an email with a question, if i expect an answer. Afterwards i provide all the necessary information, to answer an email.

The Feedback scheme, helped me to understand, that my perception is my perception and not a given fact. This then helped me to not sound so aggressive, when having feedback to tell.

Well, the best rule for my private life, is the boiled frog rule. What i do today with pretty much each relationsship, when it comes to difficult news. I introduce some light versions of the truth to the person upfront, some days or even weeks upfront.

I am trying to always suggest, that my judgement is my opinion, to not take away the space of the other person to promote his/her judgement on a market-place of ideas. This helps me to not get into confrontation.

Leadership is an important topic for research within fields such as economics and psychology. Research concentrates on leadership styles, leadership impacts and the attributes a leader should have within the process of leading.

As a first overview the following chapters will describe the difference between leadership and management (1.2.), leadership styles by Hersey & Blanchard (1.3.), managerial grid by Blake & Mouton (1.4.) and the attributes of transformative leadership (1.5.). All of these approaches concentrate on a leader, on a single person, who is or is not impacting own and others outcomes.

Though in some leadership types the leader is asking his/her followers for opinion, in most cases he/she is the center of decision making. There is another approach, which is called Shared Leadership.

A brief description of shared leadership will be conducted, too (1.6.)

A leader is a person who influences behavior of another person or a group. Leadership is therefore the framework, within which an individual or a group is influenced by a leader aiming at achievement of specific goals. Compared to a  manager, who is doing things in the right way, a leader is doing the right things (Bennis, Nanus).

A manager is focusing on the realization of plans and following rules of others, while a leader has his own vision of the future. A manager seeks to conserve existing structures and order, while a leader is assisting adaptive changes.

Within this concept leadership is seen as depended from the situation. The leader should adapt his/her leadership style dynamically to the situation.

Situation is defined as the level of maturity of the leader.  The maturity level depends on both, the employees motivation and the employees competence. Both can be either high or low.

Depending on the situative combination the leader could or even should choose from a list of 4 leadership styles:

* Leader: Directive Style -> Employee (High motivation, low competence)

* Leader: Coaching Style -> Employee (Low motivation, low competence)

* Leader: Participation Style -> Employee (Low motivation, high competence)

* Leader: Delegating Style -> Employee (High motivation, high competence)

Now the question is, what these 4 styles mean when it comes to a leaders behavior:

* Directive Style (high task orientation, low relationship orientation): Leader  defines roles, sets rules, makes decisions, has an overview over the progress, communication in one direction

* Coaching Style (high task orientation, high relationship orientation):  Leader defines roles, listens to employee suggestions, makes decisions

* Participation Style (low task orientation, high relationship orientation): Leaders delegate daily business decisions to employees. Leaders simplify situations and take part in decision making process.

* Delegating Style (low task orientation, low relationship orientation): Leaders take part in decision making, but participation in decision making process is dependend on employees decision. Employee is evaluting for success.

The managerial grid by Blake & Mouton differentiates between task orientation and peoples orientation, too. The managerial grid differentiates 5 leadership styles:

* Style 1,1 – Indifferent style (low people orientation, low task orientatoin): Minimalizing efforts, efforts only in order to maintain position in company

* Style 1,9 – Accomodating style (high people orientation, low task orientation): Leader is seeking to build harmony among employees, which should help in building performance (but is not always)

* Style 9,1 – Authoritarian style (low people orientation, high task orientation): Leader is forcing obedience and concentrates on providing a framework for employees to fulfill their task properly.

* Style 5,5 – Behavioral style (average people orientatoin, average task orientation): Leadership is balanced. Both objective goals and subjective needs are considered. Bot might not be met at a high percentage.

* Style 9,9 – Team style (high people orientation, high task orientation): Leaders seek growing teamwork, engagement and motivation among workers. Should help in the belief, that workers are pursueing a common goal, that they need to cooperate and that they are an important part of the company.

Transformational leadership means, that a leader is leading with the help of a vision and inspiring others, while developing together with the members of the group. The transformational leadership has its focus on changing the future, based on the vision. Typical attributes are:

* Increasing intrinsic motivation of employees by involvement

* Increasing ethical culture and decision making

* Concentration on higher goals and common goods

* Persuasion based on rational argumentation

* Coaching and mentoring as types of leadership

Transactional leadership on the other hand focusses on supervision, organization and performance. It uses rewards and punishment as mechanisms. The transactional leadership has its focus on maintaining the present. Subsets of the transactional leadership are Management by objetcives (MBO) and Management by exception (MBE)

Shared leadership can be seen through different lenses.

Aggregation approach: Leadership is going over from an individual to an unknown group of individuals.  There is no exact definition on who exactly should be the leader in which situation. It is characterized by a commonly conducted leadership behavior by the whole group and its individual members.

Social network approach: Leadership is the connection between 2 individuals within a group, while the connection is one of many connections within a web of connections. Connections can be identified on a 0-1 scale, as 0=leader and 1= follower. This means, that within one connection, one individual A is the leader, while the other one B is the follower. Individual A might be a follower within another connection. It is characterized by the distribution of leadership influence across multiple individuals according to their connections.

Distribution: Centralization approach: It is charaterized by a set of responsibilities and rights which is centrally available, is not directly connected to any team member and is distributed depending on the situation. The individual with the most connections/abilities when it comes to the centrality, has the most powerful role within a team.

In general traditional approaches focus on the leadership style of an individual, who is in charge. In most cases the factor which differentiated the style was the focus on people and the focus on tasks. As an additional factor style was differentiated by degree of participation of employees in decision making, while a one person was still the formally appointed leader.

Now the question is whether a distribution of leadership on multiple individuals by any method will increase leadership and group outcomes. Another question might be, whether ineffective leadership might be improved by shared leadership.

The following results are taken from a scientific meta-analysis by Lauren D’Innocenzo, John E.Mathieu & Michael R. Kukenberger.

In a meta analysis the authors have found, that shared leadership is positively related to team performance.

Furthermore it was found, that the more a definition of shared leadership accounted for complexities, the higher the impact was. Especially two concepts have shown increased impact. Both, the central network approach and the centralization approach have shown a higher impact on team performance compared to the aggregation approach of shared leadership.

Authors have found, besides the upper findings, that team task complexity decreased the strengh of relationship between shared leadership and team performance

Which circumstances indicate, that adapting to shared leadership is a good idea?

* Unbalanced leadership: If there is an unbalanced leadership situation

* Not being a leader is valuable: If a company wants to show, that not being a formal leader does not restrict advancement, development and success.

* Future leadership: If the goal is to develop future leaders

* Responsibility: If teaching responsibility is one of the main goals of the company.

The following prerequisites should be considered, when planning adaptation to the shared leadership approach

* Mindset: Change in mindset of top management down to lower management (Top Down approach)

* Responsibilities: Restructure the decision-framework about task responsibility (from hierarchies to abilities)

* Coaching: External Coaching for current leaders (Less leadership is not a downgrade). Read more about Executive Coaching.

* Coaching: External Coaching for current followers (More leadership comes with greater responsibility). Read more about business Coaching.

* Decision making: Change in decision making processes (More transparency, an open forum, encouragement of speaking out loud)

When implementing an approach of shared leadership, the following effects might come to reality:

* Performance: Individual and team performance will increase

* Acceptance of leadership: Understanding for the complexity of leadership decisions will increase throughout the whole team

* Increased adaptivity: Diversification of leadership styles due to higher involvement of different personalities and therefore better situative adaptation

* Increased innovation: Increase of innovation due to higher involvement of the whole group

* Increased motivation and engagement: Positive effects on motivation and engagement due involvement into transparent decision making processes

* Participation: Higher perceived participation in company success

What is motivating me to get out of bed, to get myself into a specific shape, to meet with friends, to go to work and to develop? There is an evergreen battle on the motivation field still going on. Arguments are being made for the domination of intrinsic and extrinsic motivation.

As a coach and psychologist i stand like a rock by the idea of intrinsic motivation (as it implies, that it is me, who is or is not motivated to do something).

At the same time, as a psychologist, i am fully aware and do commit to the concept of extrinsic motivation (as it implies e.g. from a behavioral standpoint, that positive behavior can be strenghened by awarding it.)

First let’s take a look at what internal and external motivation actually is?

Intrinsic motivation means, that somebody is performing actions due to an inseparable internal character of satisfaction, and not some possible separate consequences, which might or might not occur. The motivation for action has is locus within the motivated individual and the action itself is the primary reason for conducting it.

A few examples of intrinsic motivation:

I love playing soccer. As a child I dreamt of becoming a soccer player. Today, as soon as i see a human or a dog playing around with a ball large enough to be played with your foot, i’m instantly willing to join. Why? Because i just love it!

Not the same effect, but still intrinsic motivation: When having the possibility to improve myself in areas, which are important to me, i am not hesitating. For example, writing this article, means improving my blog, means learning new things, means having new thoughts. The task itself has high value.

Even just spending time with my family is a no brainer for me. Why? Because the time spent with family has very high value in my own value structure. Even if we were lazy, the time spent is still valuable.

Extrinsiv motivation means, that somebody is performing activities due to the disconnected external nature of satisfaction. The motivation for action is placed outside the motivated individual and the action will not be conducted until some external incentive is introduced (until rewards are provided).

A few examples of extrinsic motivation

I love playing soccer, as you already know. Sometimes i play soccer and do street style tricks, when i see people around. Why? Because i do aim at being awarded as the best 35 year old non-professional soccer player they know.

After having written an article on my blog, which i did not need any extrinsic motivation to do, i willingly use the extrinsic elements of it. Probably people will read the article, probably some people will like it, probably it will help my blog the get buzz and monetize on it. Well, getting money based on things i like doing, is kind of one of the purest forms of extrinsic motivation.

What about spending time with my family? Well, we are 4 grandchildren from my granny’s perspective. I am spending most of my time in my hometown with my granny, because i don’t live there on a daily basis any more. My granny is then convinced, that i am the best of all 4 grandchildren and praises me in front of my whole family. This kind of approval is extrinsic motivation, too.

What if i was motivated only if i’ve received something in return? Well this would mean, that extrinsic motivation has had a bad influence on me. It would mean, that i was not able to move, if there was no external force, which was moving me.

On the other hand, what if i was only motivated, if the task itself was holy to me? Well, this would mean, that intrinsic motivation has had a bad influence on me, too. It would mean, that i was not able to move for other people or other people’s benefit, if the task was not holy to myself.

What if introducing external incentives would lead to a lower motivation to move in general and over time? As an extreme example, it would mean, that giving bonuses or salary raises to employees, might decrease their job performance, though they have had high motivation for performance beforehand.

There is a theory, which describes under which circumstances extrinsic motivation might impact intrinsic motivation in a negative way. Based on the theory, there is a wrong assumption out there, that rewarding has negative impact on intrinsic motivation.

The theory postulates, that intrinsic motivation is naturally given. The naturally given intrinsic motivation needs benefiting external circumstances to thrive. This means, that external circumstances, eg. rewards might have bad influence, too.

The theory assumes, that external circumstances, eg. rewards have a negative effect on intrinsic motivation in situations with a controlling aspect. Controlling means, that you have to conduct a task in a very specific way, in order to get the reward.

External circumstances, eg. rewards have a positive effect on intrinsic motivation in situations with an informative aspect. Informative means, that the provided reward will have educational impact on you. At the end, the question is whether we should be careful with rewards?

In order to get an overview of the evidence the best way is to have a look at scientific meta analysis’. Meta Analysis’ are a collection of multiple single scientific studies, while the collection is analyzed statistically as a whole.

3.1.1. General information

The meta analysis was conducted by Uco Jillert Wiersma in 1992. It combined 20 single scientific studies and was based upon the assumptions of the cognitive evaluation theory.

3.1.2. Rewards have positive or negative impact on intrinsic motivation

The study has found, that rewards have negative impact on intrinsic motivation, when provided conditionally. Conditionally means, that a reward is provided under the exact same circumstances. The study has found, that rewards do not have negative impact, when provided unconditionally. Unconditionally means, that rewards were provided under random circumstances.  More important, extrinsic motivation when active, does not impact performance in a negative way. To be more precise, intrinsic motivation and extrinsic rewards have an additive influence on performance.

3.2.1. General information

The meta analysis was conducted by Cerasoli, Nicklin and Ford in 2014. 154 scientific studies have been choosen for the meta analysis. In sum, 212.468 individuals were part of the meta analysis.

3.2.2. Extrinsic motivation helps intrinsic motivation in performance

The study has found 4 very important points.

First a basic assumption was confirmed. Intrinsic motivation does impact performance.

Second, intrinsic motivation is stronger in qualitative tasks, compared to quantitive tasks. What does it mean? When conducting complex tasks, which have to be thought through, intrinsic motivation is powerful compared to tasks, in which complexity is low and the task has to be conducted multiple times in order to have a solution.

The third finding is the most important one: The impact of intrinsic motivation on performance does increase, when extrinsic rewards are introduced in between.

The fourth finding concludes, that extrinsic rewards have higher impact on quantitative task. Intrinsic motivation on the other hand has higher impact on qualitative tasks.

Both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation can impact overall motivation and therefore increase performance. But introducing extrinsic rewards should be adapted to many aspects, such as:

* The setup of a group/team in a work environment: What are other motivational structures

* The specificity of the task: quantitative/repetetive Vs. qualitative

* Time & place of the extrinsic motivation: conditioned Vs. unconditioned display of extrinsic rewards

* Other external circumstances

As it is crucial to combine intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, the question is how to introduce extrinsic motivational structures. The following points should provide a first brief concept on how to get things rolling:

* Evaluate tasks in place: e.g. per department

* Identify internal motivators of team members: dependent on tasks – by discussing it with the team

* Identify potential moments: when? how often? in which intervalls? under which conditions and characteristics (which rewards?) of extrinsic rewarding

* Identify potential platforms for displaying extrinsic rewards: Individual or Group? By supervisor, colleagues or the group?

* Align extrinsic rewards and motivators with intrinsic motivation already in place: in order to fully develop a combined effect

In general, mentoring means, that a more experienced individual helps in guiding less experienced individuals. Mentoring is different to coaching and consulting. The more experienced individual is called “mentor”. The less experienced individual is called “mentee”.

Mentoring can build multiple advantages for both the mentor as well as the mentee. Furthermore, if one is speaking of an organization, mentoring can build advantages for the organization, too.

1.2.1. Advantages for the Mentee

1.2.2. Advantages for the mentor

1.2.3. Advantages for the organisation

Though joining a mentoring initiative is not a full-time engagement, it still will take over some portion of the available time. A mentor will not necessarily have the time, to oversee a mentee. An organisation will not necessarily want to give up their shareholder value orientation.

Often the need for a mentoring programm is obvious. Nobody knows, where it should lead to, though. Setting goals is one of the most important tasks in any mid- to longterm initiative, because “if you don’t know, that you want to go to rome, you will end up in Gdansk” (Sorry Poland, you know i love you).

New initiatives often have the reputation of change. Change means disruption of established structures. Disruption means chaos and uncertainty. Uncertainty will often lead to a lack of acceptance and even avoidance of new initiatives. Mentoring programms, e.g. might be viewed as a speed-lane to success for the priveleged.

Though new initiatives might be accepted, not all employees might endorse the initiatives. The bigger and more diverse the company, the higher the probability, that new initiatives will need missionaries.

If some people are included, some might be exluded. A mentoring initiative, when introduced on a organizational level, might lead to jealousy and envy as well as to demotivation. If introduced properly, adressing all potential issues, risks might be lower.

Not every person has the internal need to pass over own wisdom to younger generations. People, who do not feel the need initially, might need external motivators, in order to get involved in such an initiative. They might need a visible incentive.

It is of highest importance to have transparency and visibility within the process of choosing mentor-mentee pairs. It might even be a good idea, to have both involved in the selection process, so that pairs will not be a result of randomized selection, but targeted selection.

When implementing such an comprehensive initiative, some basic steps should be followed. Following those steps will ensure, that the above discussed risks, will not have such a big impact. The steps are derived from both, practical experience as well as a theoretical grounding, e.g. Organizational Psychology: A Scientist-Practitioner Approach

Mentoring in itself is a very special initiative, as it does not only assume the acceptance and proactive promotion by the higher management. It does even assume the active participation of the higher management in the operative initiative itself. As with most initiatives or cultural changes, the change has to be triggered and lived by the highest management. If it is not, then change will become a vision and later on a legend.

In order to organize the process initially, in many cases a consulting or coaching company will be necessary. From one perspective, an external consultant will be able to guide through the process, as he or she knows all aspects of it (is an expert on guiding the process). On the other hand, a consultant or coach is a neutral instance. Neutrality is a very important aspect in change processes. Introducing new initiatives, the development and change which go hand in hand with new initiatives are very emotional, as they touch not only the organizational level, but the personal and often private level, too. If internal employees lead such initiatives, change and developmental processes, then there is a risk of being (perceived) as one-sided biased. Furthermore, education on the process itself for both, the organizers of the initiative as well as the participants, might be overtaken by an external consulting company.

There is, as described above, a general resistance to change. It occurs always and everywhere and in any kind of live and/or work situation. What can we do about the resistance. Two propositions.

* Be Transparent: when it comes to introducing the initiative, involve all patricipants. Make sure to create a platform for discussion of fears and suggestions. Have room for improvement, trial and error, if necessary. Make sure to involve all necessary participants.

Involvement is possible via participation in creating such an initiative. The selectiion process of mentor-mentee pairs might be a way to increase acceptance. If both, the mentor & the mentee, have a voting right in a formulated form, it should help.

* Accompany and put light on the process: Knowledge from group psychology therapy tells us, that one important aspect of the psychologists therapeutical work with groups is to accompany the process and put light on the progress of the process. This means, that the framework should be provided by the people, who introduce such an initiative. Framework is the general set rules and rights of all parties involved and/or uninvolved.

As a second step the progress should be discussed. As a manager of the process, put light on it. Participants not necessarily acknowledge and recognize their development, their mistakes, their good behaviors. As they do not recognize them, it is of highest importance to provide a stage for discussion and therefore a platform for increasing development.

It might be necessary, to provide a platform for supervision for both, the mentor as well as the mentee. The mentor might not know, how to guide the development of a less experienced individual. The mentee might be scared of his or her mentor or both might not have established an interpersonal connection, which might create the necessity to split up and form new coalitions.

Make sure to have a person or a department in charge of introducing, managing and evaluating the initiative. For such an initiative to work, it is most important, to have a pulling horse in place. Change and development, if not cared about, will dissapear somewhere in nirvana. Why?

Change and development, as they are aiming at longterm improvements, are longterm projects. Longterm projects do not provide daily gratifications. This means, that at some point, people might lose the initial sense of motivation, some kind of romantic move toward a brighter future. To overcome such phases, ownership is necessary. Ownership makes sure, that the process and progress is transparent and that people are reminded of the higher goal.

If you want to get to rome, italy, you will have to put a marker on a map. If you don’t do it, you might end up in Poland. Why? Psychological research has shown, that our bodies (physically and psychologically) tend to move towards our targets, sometimes by themselves, without us even noticing it. Goals are even one explanation for the functioning of something called “motivation”. If i would not want to meet my girlfriend today, i would not have the motivation to stop writing this article. Make sure, that every initiative will have a goal, in best case defined in a strict way (e.g. by using SMART).

Leaders in a given organization might lead in work related or group related topics, but might not always have the time and/or capacity to focus themselves on personal development of both, themselves and their employees.

Self development of leaders is an important aspect of managerial and leadership effectiveness and is often underrated. By having to guide younger, less experienced individuals, a leader might learn what his/her impact is and how this impact can be used in a better way.

Development of less experienced individuals is another important factor. Mentoring, out of definition, is a very intense and straight forward way, to create a framework, in which young professionals are proactively prepared for high quality leadership tasks. It is not, that without mentoring, young professionals would not achieve higher levels. Mentoring will help to increase the probability of achieving the next level, faster.

In general, if there are not enough ressources to build up a mentoring initiative from scratch, smaller companies might provide the framework for interested inidividuals (mentors, mentees) to participate in an unregulated initiative. This would mean, that one could provide a platform, as ebay was back in the days, to bring mentors and mentees together.  If necessary an employee will then have the possibility to ask for a mentorship or even have already discussed it with a potential mentor in order to formalize it.

Even among closest friends, people might have some, who are high achievers and some, who are leading a “normal” life (without a qualitative judgement). Sometimes people, who are high achievers, do have a lack of satisfaction from social relationships, do not have such big social ressources.

On the other hand, people who do have social ressources, might not be high achievers (though they want to be). Sometimes people have both, social ressources and are high achieving, but they do not know how to gain hapiness from both. Nonetheless, no human has stopped learning at any point in development. This sentence does mean, that there is always potentials for learning. Learning from people, who might have already thought the battles, we are fighting at the moment.

In private life, we might focus more on other people, from whom we can derive a good example, from whom we can learn. We can find such people in our families (my grandmother is such a person, though she has lived a complete different life, compared to mine), within our social interests groups or at work. Just be transparent about our needs, so that potential mentors will recognize, that they have wisdom, which might help somebody else. We have to make sure, that our needs are visible.

When it’s somebody’s birthday, my wishes in most cases combine both, health wishes and a suggestion to smile every single day. It became kind of my “thing” to wish a smile for each and every day.

When i am shopping, i try to always have a smile on my face, even if i do not feel like smiling. Why? When eye contact comes up,  i want to be prepared. The first eye contact should trigger a smile on the other person’s face. I want my eyes to be smiling. I want to be “saved” as a smiling person, in best case combined with a positive feeling.

When i am calling a support hotline, i even try to have a smile-sounding voice. Why? Because people seem to be more open to help me in a non-standard way, when they think i’m smile-sounding.

At some points in my life, i even smiled to myself looking into the mirror in the morning. Why? I believe, that a smile comes together with positive emotionality. And even if it does not directly increase my positive affect. When i see my own morning smile in the mirror, i start laughing and out of the box, there is some good feeling generated.

Children recognize smiling. Strangers recognize smiling. Friends recognize smiling. I assume, that even dogs recognize simling or at least a smile-sounding voice.

My experiences does not reflect the whole power of a smile nor is it representative, but it suggests, that there are benefits of frequent, proactive smiling on well-being.

Well, there a specifics to a real smile. There are differences to non-real smiles, too. A real smile is called “Duchenne Smile” and one can recognize it pretty easily by raised eye wrinkles and mouth angles. Humans in general just know, when somebody is really smiling and feeling true enjoyment.

But, there are other smiles. There are smiles, people show, when they win and display superiority. People smile differently, when they want to award somebody for something good he or she has done. There is smile people show, when they want to suggest empathy to somebody else. Each smile sends out another message and its interpretation varies based on context, in which it happened.

Of course, you don’t want to walk around like a clown, smiling without a reason. Nobody will believe your smile is true, when it will not fit the context and be congruent with your body language. The question is, when a smile is a beneficial behavioral strategy. Or: Which benefits might smiling generate. Smiling to yourself? Smiling to others, while talking, while approaching?

Smiling is one of many facial expressions. It is common knowledge, that body expressions are expressions of inner emotions. There is less agreement, when it comes to connection of specific emotions to specific facial expressions, like the real smile.

In general, we smile when muscles in our face get active.

Basically smiling, as many other facial expressions is at some point connected to emotions. Emotions are or better emotionality is on the other hand connected to well-being. Main theories which underline this assumption, are:

* The theory of needs: The basic assumption is to fulfill my own needs, which will lead to well-being.

* The theory of goals: The basic assumption is to pursue goals, aiming at an ideal state, which will lead to well-being.

* The Theory of activity: The basic assumption is, that task processing itself is the goal, which will lead to well-being.

How are motivation and emotion theories connected to a smile?

Emotionality and positive emotionality in particular can be understood as the future probability of participation in specified actions.

Emotionality in general is stable over time, might change in short-term, will get to an average, person-specific level in long-term. This means, that positive affectivity has an average, person-specific long term average level, too. Though context can impact emotionality on short-term, it will not have a major impact on emotionality on long-term.

So positive emotionality will impact the probability of fulfilling my needs, to pursue long-term goals and to conduct tasks in itself. Positive emotionality will therefore probably be a trigger for long-term well-being. Positive emotionality is understood to uncrease the repertoire of cognitive and behavioral ressources.

If a smile and other facial expressions are outer signs of inner emotions, then being a “smiler” might be an outer sign of being a positive person. Being a person with a high average of positive emotionality, will lead to increased well-being.

Many studies have been conducted on the topic of smiling and the impact smiling has on inter- & intrapersonal level.

On an interpersonal level (when interacting with others), people who smile are perceived as more friendly and attractive. more approachable, desireable, more authentic, more sincere and reliable, more generous. A smile can even compensate relative bad looking. Relative bad looking people are perseived as more attractive when smiling, compared to relative attractive people, who are not smiling.

Smiling increases the probability of cooperation. It increases the probability of the smiling person as well as the perceiving person to cooperate. Smiling even increases the probability to match the height of input whithin a cooperation scenario.

Basically families are a good place for observing smiling behaviors and the impact. Young children react to facial gestures and to gestures of body warmth and reflect it to the parents. Smiles are a sign of warmth within families.

On an intrapersonal level, people who smile more often, judge themselves as more social, more competent and less negative. Smiling not only helps in increasing positive emotionality, but helps in reduction of negative emotionality, too. Therefore smiling increases the effectiveness of psychological regulation.

People, who smile more often are rated as extraverted.

When it comes to life outcomes, smiling on schoolbook photographs predicted lower divorce rates, higher subjective happiness in marragies and life overall, higher longevity. Smiling predicts better results at work, when having to solve complex high quality tasks. It predicts higher ratings of own work. Smiling predicts higher tips in service jobs or higher product ratings in client-centered jobs.

There is sometimes a limitation to smiling, when it comes to being in situations of confrontative aggression, eg. fighting. Fighters, who smile before fights, are predicted to have worse results (loose in fights) afterwards. This is, as smiling in a aggression context might be understood as an indicator of inferiority.

Smiling is even a signal of social mood. Analysis of facial pictures on web portals like Twitter led to the conclusion, that an increased number of smiling faces on photographs on twitter might be a mirror of a positive affective state of the whole population. With positive social events, more positive pictures online were registered. Positive pictures were registered, when faces showed Duchenne Smiles.

Smile, Smile, Smile! (when approaching others and the situation is right)

If you don’t want to be the clown, who is smiling in situations, which are contradictions of positive mood, then adapt to situations. When you want to cooperate or when you expect something from the person you are approaching, smile within the first seconds. When context matters more, adjust to the situation and do not smile (eg. when something bad happens).

If you want your co-worker to take over some responsibilities, approach them with a smile. If you want your boss to grant you a raise, approach your boss with a smile. Use your smile as a tool for lowering barriers in social interactions, especially at work. If you want to cooperate, smile and do not seek conlficts.

Use your smile in calling contexts, too. Your voice reflects your inner emotionality, too. Stand up, walk around, smile, then start speaking into the phone.

So smiling has a intrapersonal regulation function, too. This means, that smiling in itself to yourself might generate benefits for yourself. Even if it seems unnatural, stand up straight, look into the mirror and smile. Even if the smile in itself might not lead to positive emotionality directly, with time you will start laughing about yourself, which will then foster positive emotionality.

Just start each interaction, if the context allows it, with a smile. Just try.

SOURCES: academical papers on topics like: Duchenne Smile, Positive emotionality, Affectivity, Facial Expressions, Emotions